Stock footage: Superman streaking through the upper atmosphere.

Narrator: Alerted by the Bat Computer in the Hall of Justice, Superman streaks through the upper atmosphere to intercept an alien Skrull ship intent on attacking the Earth.

Speaking easily in the vacuum of near space, Superman comments: "The Skrull are always here to perpetrate evil. At least it's a break from the Legion of Doom."

Narrator: Suddenly, the Skrull ship comes to a halt and exudes a billowing green gas that stretches and starts to wrap itself around the Earth!

Stock footage: A billowing green smudge emerges from a generic alien spacecraft.

"Great Scott! That Skrull Gas will transform everybody into the animal they're closest too! If I can hit it with just the right frequency of my Super Heat Vision, and fly around it fast enough, I just might be able to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow and thereby distort its atomic structure so that the gas molecules will be transferred into harmless snowflakes!"

Narrator: Upon saying that, the cloaked defender of Earth exerts his superhuman power and flies around the Skrull Gas faster and faster, irradiating it with his Super Heat Vision.

Stock footage: Superman is a twirling red blur in the centre of the screen. In the corner a generic alien spacecraft appears.

Narrator: A ship from the NASA-employed refugee Balloon People valiantly tries to save Superman, but it is to no avail as the gas expands into his lungs even while it envelopes the Earth.

Stock footage: The screen turns black and a white star shoots towards you on the lower left and passes, then on the lower right and passes, and then straight at you.

Stock footage: Exterior shot of the perpetually fog-enshrouded Hall of Doom.

Narrator: Meanwhile, somewhere within the boggy mists of their treacherous swamp, the sinister Legion of Doom prepares to engage in a battle for world conquest!

Stock footage: The Legion of Doom members seated around the table in the meeting hall -- Bizarro, Grodd, Toyman, Brainiac, Cheetah, Black Manta, Giganta, Solomon Grundy, Scarecrow, Sinestro, Riddler and Captain Cold -- with Lex Luthor standing at the podium.

"This meeting will come to order. The Legion of Doom is now in session. It is the purpose of the Legion to align our infamous forces against the powers of the Super Friends and defeat them, leaving us the rulers of the world. To do this we have gathered together the 13 most ruthless villains on earth: the frigid Captain Cold..."

Stock footage: Captain Cold fires cold gun at chandelier, turning it to ice and destroying it.

"...the sinister mind of Sinestro..."

Stock footage: Sinestro creates a yellow floating snake from his power ring.

"...the awesome Bizarro and Solomon Grundy..."

Stock footage: Solomon Grundy puts his fist through the table.

"...the cunning Cheetah and the super intelligent computer android Brainiac..."

Stock footage: Cheetah scratches the table in two.

"...Black Manta and Grodd the Gorilla..."

Stock footage: Grodd puts his fist through the table.

"...the Toyman, and the humorous but sinister Riddler..."

Stock footage: The Riddler produces a hand of cards with pictures of each of the Super Friends which then burst into flames and fall to ash.

"...the feminine yet ferocious Giganta, and the hideous Scarecrow. Not to mention the evil genius and brilliant leadership of myself, Lex Luthor."

At least their membership dues pay for the damage, Luthor thought privately. "To begin my latest nefarious plan to destroy the Super Friends, I have gotten the Skrull to launch an attack on Earth."

Stock footage: The big screen at the Hall of Doom comes to life to show a picture of Superman flying superfast around the Skrull Gas as the ship from the Balloon People refugees working for NASA tries to aid Superman. As Superman inhales the blue Skrull Gas, his body distorts and twists into a Balloon Alien Person which suddenly comes to a stop. The balloons expand in the vacuum of space, and then burst.

"Superman is our first victim." It'll be so much less profitable (Luthor thought to himself) to lose all the income from the blackmail tapes from the cameras I have everywhere, but this chance to get rid of the rest of these bozoes can't be missed. "Brainiac, have you prepared devices so that we can survive the Skrull Gas?"

Brainiac speaks in a monotonous monotone: "Those naive superfools think that their Justice League gadgetry can protect them from the Skrull Gas, but only the computerized genius of Brainiac can create a suitable defence. My Ekurian nanocyte-driven molecular filters, melded with my impervious forcefields..."

Couldn't he have just gone to army surplus and bought a gas mask, thought Lex Luthor to himself.

Stock footage: The screen turns black and a white star shoots towards you on the lower left and passes, then on the lower right and passes, and then straight at you.

Stock footage: Exterior shot of the bright and shiny Hall of Justice.

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the Hall of Justice, the horrified Super Friends have just watched Superman's bizarre and baffling demise on their big screen.

Stock footage: Shot of the Super Friends -- Superman, Batman, Robin, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Green Lantern, Kairo, the Flash, Kid Flash, Hawkman, Hawkgirl, the Wonder Twins and Gleek -- calmly gathered around the big screen inside the Hall of Justice.

Robin is the first to speak: "Holy inflatable --"

Narrator: Faster than any other human could react, the red-suited speedster Flash conceives an ingenious plan to safeguard the world from the evil Skrull Gas!

Heck with the slow learners group here, Flash thinks to himself. I'll just use my absolute control over my own molecules to generate super-intense acoustic vibrations that will create a global updraft that blows the Skrull Gas out into space where the ambient solar UV radiation will neutralize it. I just hope I have enough time...

Narrator: And in a flash, the Flash takes off on his desperate mission.

"-- rubber demise Batman!"

"There's no time for that, Robin! We have to ask the Bat Computer how to counteract the Skrull Gas!"

Narrator: Oblivious to the Flash's absence, Batman starts punching random keys on the Bat Computer. The rest of the Superfriends watch as the Skrull Gas drifts down through the windows of the Hall of Justice.

Stock footage: Purple smudges rain down from the top of the screen, concealing everything.

Narrator: Each paladin of righteousness is instantly transformed into whatever living thing he was closest to at that moment. Batman, still waiting for the Bat Computer, becomes a Duck-billed Platypus from the egg he was carrying in his utility belt whose venom he was using to develop a cure for the common cold; Robin changes into Wonder Woman, his suit bursting; Wonder Woman becomes Kairo, Green Lantern's powerless sidekick; Aquaman becomes Aqualad; Aqualad becomes Hawkman; Hawkman becomes Hawkgirl, causing the straps of his wings to strain; Hawkgirl becomes Hawkman's Hawk, which was voiding on her shoulder; and Green Lantern becomes Aquaman, thus ensuring that the oceans still have a powerful defender.

Stock footage: The Super Friends -- Superman, Aquaman, Robin, Wonder Woman, the Flash, Kid Flash, Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog -- all transform into penguins.

Narrator: Returning in a flash, the Flash returns in a flash. Even his incredible speed had not been enough to stop the Skrull Gas. Unfortunately, his speed created a slipstream that concentrated the Gas' horrifying effect on him, thereby transforming him into an amalgam of the thousands of animals he had passed in his desperate effort. However, the crimson speedster was oblivious to his own condition as he stared at the transformed Super Friends.

Stock footage: Kairo sits up and opens his eyes.

"Great Hera! I'm... I'm turning BLUE! I must be DROWNING!" Guided by the Wisdom of Athena, Wonder Woman, now in the body of Kairo, immediately starts giving herself life-giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Stock footage: The screen turns black and a white star shoots towards you on the lower left and passes, then on the lower right and passes, and then straight at you.

Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Metropolis Recreation Centre, the Wonder Twins have just saved four teenagers who were skateboarding on the edge of the Metropolis Tar Pits and are preparing to return to the Hall of Justice when the Skrull Gas reaches them.

Stock footage: The Wonder Twins face each other and touch rings, with nifty-looking bright streaks radiating out from the point of contact.

Together they chorus: "Wonder Twin Powers, Activate!"

"Shape of a Pelican!"

"Form of Water!"

Stock footage: Zan, the speaking water, flows into Jayna's beak just as pink smudges conceal everything.

Narrator: The Wonder Twins, protected by the power of their rings, are unaffected by the Skrull Gas, but Gleek is not so lucky. As he inhales the evil vapour, he becomes the skateboarder just rescued, and the skateboarder becomes Gleek. Oblivious, the Wonder Twins grab Gleek, who used to be the skateboarder, as the skateboarder who used to be Gleek gibbers at them, loses his balance, and falls into the Tar Pits.

Stock footage: The screen turns black and a white star shoots towards you on the lower left and passes, then on the lower right and passes, and then straight at you.

Stock footage: Exterior shot of the perpetually fog-enshrouded Hall of Doom.

Narrator: Meanwhile, back at the Legion of Doom Headquarters, the meeting continues as Brainiac is still explaining his device.

Stock footage: The Legion of Doom Members seated around the table in the meeting hall -- Bizarro, Grodd, Toyman, Brainiac, Cheetah, Black Manta, Giganta, Solomon Grundy, Scarecrow, Sinestro, Riddler and Captain Cold -- with Lex Luthor standing at the podium.

"...in a manner only I, Brainiac, could possibly have the intellect to implement, will create a feedback zone whose etheric frequencies will neutralize the Skrull Gas before it enters our lungs."

Lex Luthor managed to keep from shaking his head as Brainiac finally finished. "Legion of Doom, the Skrull Gas has already disabled the Super Friends. Now is the time to strike!"

Narrator: Unbeknownst to the rest of the Legion of Doom, Lex Luthor pushes a button on the podium opening holes all around the roof above the table dropping white lab mice in front of the rest of the Legion of Doom.

"Dinnerrr? Forrr mmmeee? How thoughtful of you, Lex!" Cheetah said, as she grabbed a mouse in her claws.

"No, house cleaning," Lex responded.

Narrator: As he grabs a gas mask from behind the podium, Lex Luthor presses another button which reverses the ventilation fans of the Hall of Doom, pulling the Skrull Gas into the meeting hall.

Stock footage: Yellowish smudges rain down from the top of the screen, concealing everything.

Narrator: Then he watches, smiling, as the Skrull Gas transforms the rest of the Legion of Doom into white mice in voluminous suits.

Stock footage: The Legion of Doom members -- Lex Luthor, Bizarro, Grodd, Toyman, Brainiac, Cheetah, Black Manta, Giganta, Solomon Grundy, Scarecrow, Sinestro, Riddler and Captain Cold --transform into white mice in voluminous suits.

Stock footage: The lights in the room flicker as the big screen changes to show the view from another of Luthor's ubiquitous AI-controlled monitoring cameras: a 13-year-old black kid sitting in front of a computer.

Stock footage: Lex turns and stares as a 36-year-old white man changes into a duplicate of the plush Cthulhu doll that was sitting on top of his computer monitor.

Narrator: Immediately Lex's lightning mind realizes the implications!

Stock footage: Close-up of the horrified expression on Lex Luthor's face.

Narrator: Suddenly, all over the world, the power of Plush Cthulhu ripples through reality, affecting everybody instantaneously, through any defenses...

--- the narrator's voice suddenly changes to a much higher pitch --

Narrator: ...changing everybody into cute and fuzzy plush versions of whatever they were!

Stock footage: The screen turns black and a white star shoots towards you on the lower left and passes, then on the lower right and passes, and then straight at you.

Voiceover: The Super Friends will be right back after these important messages!

New footage: Two children, both cute (not yet fuzzy) little girls, are sitting in a typical middle-America living room, playing with dolls. The camera zooms in until you see that one has a Plush Cthulhu™, and the other, Barbie™.

The first girl says, "My Cthulhu™ grabs Barbie™ in its tentacles and drives her insane!"

New footage: Plush Cthulhu™ glows with an arcane (and appealingly cute) Non-Euclidian Aura™, whereupon Barbie™ devolves into a scaly, green Deep One™.

Both girls' eyes turn a bilious yellow as they scream in unholy glee!

Small lettering appears along the bottom of the screen: ICHOR™ NOT INCLUDED. ELDER SIGN™ SOLD SEPARATELY.

Meanwhile, Plush Cthulhu™ and Deep One Barbie™ start dancing the Hokey-Pokey to the shrill, monotonous piping of a toy flute from far away.

Voiceover: Just in time for Christmas -- MASTERS OF THE MULTIVERSE™ playsets and action figures! Available at WALMART™, and wherever else fine soul-destroying artifacts are sold.

Stock footage: The screen turns black and a white star shoots towards you on the lower left and passes, then on the lower right and passes, and then straight at you.