After Sly left the Harlem campsite, a silent vibration caught
Mal's attention; it was his palmtop. He got it out of its pocket,
looked for a moment, and smiled. "Well, well. Jesus loves us."
He looked at his fellow tribesmen. "Guess which squirrel thinks
DES cryptography is still secure?"
Michael was puzzled. "DES? Wasn't that algorithm broken simply
ages ago?"
"Yep, the backdoors were independently confirmed two years back,"
Mal said with a chuckle. "Looks like nobody passed the word to
Sly. And... I do believe I've got Sly's own agenda for tonight's
tribal council meeting! Paid advertisements, introductions, more
paid ads, coupla guys from Virtual Biotechnologies, passing out
money --"
"We get money? Oooh!" Mary-Anne said, clapping her paws together.
"That means there'll be someplace nice to spend it!"
Mal's eyes narrowed. "I don't think so. Where we'll go is a
city, alright, but it's way the hell full of Mutopia." He read his screen with care. "Christ...
If the challenge is to spend all night in there, no way in hell
anybody's gonna leave the same as they came in!"
"That's wonderful!" Mary-Anne chirped. "Norman, you've already
made such a good start, I'm sure you won't find it the least bit difficult
to..."
"Shut up." Although Norman's eyes were completely hidden behind
his dark glasses, the stony set of his face indicated a rigidly
controlled degree of disapproval as he continued in a cold voice.
"The point of the game, Miss Kitty, is to avoid losing one's humanity. Frankly, your feline qualities make you
a liability to this tribe, since you start out with that much
less humanity, hence will lose what remains that much more quickly."
"Norman, that's not quite fair, is it? I mean if one is to count
by percentage of humanity, then I very likely have got a bit less
of it left than she does, sir!"
"That may be true, sir, but you have useful skills and tools to offer."
Mary-Anne's eyes flashed a cold rage for an instant before she
fought her temper back down. She forced herself to swallow, looked
at the ground for a second, and then back at Norman, letting one
glistening tear form in her eye. "I do so, Norman, I do!" Don't overdo it. "Can you see in the dark, can you?" With those eyes, I wonder -- but even if he can it won't save
him. "Well I can! Can you move without making a sound, Mal? I can!"
She started breathing heavily and letting her lips quiver. "Can
you climb up trees or walls as well as I can Michael? I can! So
I can help the tribe, Norman! I can! And you're a cruel and nasty man
to say I can't!" And then she turned away and buried her face
in Michael's lower chest.
Mal remained silent. How much of that's an act? Maybe all, he began to think. This kitty was a master -- she would have
to be nullified and soon.
Norman looked like he wanted to continue the argument, but a
gesture from Michael silenced him. "Please, let's not bicker this
early on, shall we?" One for all and all for me -- but maybe I can leave Mary-Anne
for the last. "Particularly not when the lady has a rather cogent point. Although
her feline aspects are, shall we say, a liability from a certain
point of view, it's also true that they offer certain improvements
over the capabilities of the unmodified human body. Improvements
that can assist her in avoiding any further loss of humanity.
And, if tonight's challenge is as oversupplied with transformative
traps as Mal says, then perhaps it would be better for us to select
exactly which ones we wish to be affected by, as opposed to letting
the cards be dealt out by blind fate. So tell us, Mal -- what
are our options, if you please?" And which ones are you not telling us about?
I wonder how suspicious they really are about my information?
A dash of complete honesty will set them up for later, thanks. "Hmmm... Looks like most of what's there is supposed to annoy
or cripple you. There's a Broadway musical, you attend it and
you get a songbird's throat -- forget about speech. There's pigeons,
don't touch them or their birdshit unless you want random bird
features. There's panhandlers, they put random rat features on
people who notice 'em without donating. Lots of pushers, another
'p'-word, offering a wide range of Mutopia-laced drugs, and God
only knows what they do to you. Hmm. That's interesting; they've
got some art supplies, paper and charcoal, you draw something
and you end up looking like your picture. I see... that batch of Mutopia
apparently scans the brain and changes you to match whatever mental
image you've got going."
Norman's ears pricked up visibly. "Is that a fact?" he asked.
So that's what interests our silent friend. Mal shrugged. "As near as I can tell, sure." Absorbed with what
he was reading, the black man didn't see Norman's satisfied smile.
It does let you change your form to match your wishes! Norman thought.
Unfortunately, Norman found the notion so intriguing that he
missed Mal's next few words: "I wouldn't try it, myself. It looks
to me like there'd be heavy odds of some kinda feedback, and messing
with your brain is bad news all the way around. But if somebody
wants to risk it, just find a shop offering dirt-cheap drawing
supplies."
"Cheap drawing supplies. Very well." And I'll be free of all this!
Now, why is he so interested in that? Michael wondered. More to ponder, but for now there were more
questions for Mal: "So the paper and so on offer one potential
avenue for controlling one's own transformation. Quite nice and
useful indeed. And are there any others?"
"Hmmm... they got some street artists. Same basic deal, except
this time it's not the artist who changes, it's the subject. Looks
like these artists are immune to the Mutopia in the paper they
hand you; you're not, so it zaps you on contact. But these guys
do take requests, so you can design your own change. If you know what's going on, that is. If not, well, you get what
they feel like giving you. And... damn. Visit the local zoo, you're
in charge of what animals you see and pick up stuff from, but
there's no way to control what you get from any one animal." Mal
scanned his data some more, then laughed. "I was about to say
there's nothing else you know what you'll get beforehand, but
that's not true. There's one of the topless bars, real cute vixens,
but it's strictly 'look, don't touch'. 'Cause if you do touch, you are a vixen, no matter what you were before." Mal read more, then burst out laughing. "What
a scam! The bar's owner'll be happy to hire a new vixen, and he'll
keep on making offers to help you do a better job, get more tips
and all that. But what you're not supposed to know is that you'll
drop a few IQ points with every offer you take. In other words,
if you don't watch out, you turn yourself into a brain-dead bimbo!"
Mal shook his head. "Me, I think I'll pass. Anybody else want
to give it a shot?"
Michael looked off into the middle distance, the clockwork in
his head playing with the pieces. "Actually, it occurs to me that
it might possibly be worthwhile to impose a vixen form on someone
else. Could you kindly tell us what intrinsic physical restrictions
they have, please, Mal?"
"Let's see, now... They top out at 5 feet tall, so you're probably
losing size and mass. And you are losing a lot of physical strength. And they're pretty damned oversexed right
from the start, which can really mess up a team's overall efficiency."
"Excellent! And the transformation automatically occurs on contact,
does it? Well, in that case, it should work on someone who is
thrown bodily into one of the bar's foxy ladies. Such as, perhaps,
a person who is thrown bodily during the course of a bar fight
-- which we can orchestrate. Now, how can we arrange for any of
the competition to be present as guest of honor at such a donnybrook?"
"Perhaps one of us might enter early on, become a vixen, and
leave the bar to lure in some unwary tribesmen?" Norman suggested,
pointedly refusing to look in Mary-Anne's direction.
"That's not at all a bad idea, Norman! Whomever it is would
of course not be recognized as a Harlem member, ergo the victims'
suspicions would not be aroused. And... whoever is the bait to
lure in our victims, he or she had best see an artist afterwards
in order to re-acquire their own proper body again, hadn't they?
Very well. Have we a volunteer to turn vixen for the evening,
then? Anyone?"
This has possibilities - especially if I 'forget' to undo it,
and then 'accidentally' touch the others once we return to camp. "I'll do it," said Mary-Anne in a small voice that was almost
a pout. "I'll show you that I can help the tribe! After all, I'm
used to being a girl, and you big strong men will be much better
for the bar fight than I could ever hope to be." And I'm sure the bar owner will go to any possible lengths to
hire whatever new girls he gets tonight, especially after I kiss
him with my special lipstick on. A little hypnotic suggestion and he'll feed me anything
he can pick up from them. Oh, and if any of those girls should
happen to have been one of those 'big strong men', so much the
better for me! But not Michael -- I want to play with him some
more first.
"One more thing - how contagious are the vixens? If our noble
volunteer cannot get herself undone before we triumphantly make
our way back to our camp, how careful do we have to be?"
Curses! Mary-Anne thought. Then she gave an internal shrug -- it probably
would have been too easy that way anyway.
Mal frowned on the inside. Very clever, my equine friend. I was hoping to sneak that one
by you. "Let me just check... hmm. Strictly an on-duty deal, one of the
perks of the job."
Which means that I can get closer to Mary-Anne if she'll let me.
But do I want to? No -- the game is the thing -- remember the
game! "Righto then! We've got our battle plan. Once we enter the city,
our first task will be to find a topless bar wherein Mary-Anne
may become a vixen. She'll then go out into the city to lure various
competitors back into that bar; and whilst she is so occupied,
we three others shall go off in search of a street artist to perform
specific transformations upon -- oh, I'm sorry, so sorry. Yes,
Norman?"
"I think it would be prudent to acquire some of the special
art supplies. Perhaps this should be my first task, so that I
can confirm how well the supplies work."
Michael thought for a moment. "Very well then. Our second stop,
once past the bar, will be an art supplies shop, and then we can
all get ourselves transformed suitably. After which we return
to Mary-Anne's bar..."
You don't know how right you'll be, my big, beautiful horse, Mary-Anne thought.
"...where we engineer a bar fight... and why ever are you grinning like that, Mal?"
"Pushers. Plenty of 'em, it says here, offering a wide range
of Mutopia-laced drugs. And a lot of 'em are willing to give away
the first dose for free, amazingly enough. How much you want to
bet that spiking drinks at random just might end up causing a
fight?"
Michael smiled at this. "I should think the odds would be rather
high! But let us just spike a few drinks, and quit doing it when
the fight proper actually begins. We wouldn't want to have too
many drug-induced madmen lurching about, after all -- an overabundance
of chaos is distinctly worse than not having any. By the by, are
there any drug pushers whose wares transform you before you ingest
them?"
"You mean like the package itself is gimmicked? None that I
can see."
"All righty then! Do you think you might be able to handle the
actual distribution of the drugs, Mary-Anne?
"I don't know, but for you, Michael, I'll try my best," the
cat said, rubbing up against him in a manner that would have seemed
almost indecent in a less innocent-looking woman.
"Ah... yes, quite." Michael paused and rubbed his hands together,
"Now then. Since we are going to change ourselves a bit, I think
it would be appropriate beforehand to let the whole tribe know
what we shall end up as. Thank you, my dear, that is, well, quite enough for now, please. Business first. Now, where was I? Ah
-- I remember now. We already know about Mary-Anne, you'll be
the newest vixen from whichever bar, yes? As for me, I intend
to exchange the horsie bits for lion bits. While it's true that
I shall be giving up a bit of speed, I think the silent motion
and the rather excessive claws I shall request will prove to be
an adequate replacement. And while I'm at it, I shall also acquire
a lion's mane, to boot."
Mary-Anne was almost shocked, but let nothing of this show on
her face as she leaned against the centaur's lower chest. Are you reading my mind, or are you just trying to please me?
Could you actually be falling in love with me?! What fools these
mortals be!
Oblivious, Michael continued, "What of your own portrait, Mal?"
"I'm going for tiger, but just little stuff. I'll take cat's
eyes 'cause they look nifty and I'll be able to see in the dark;
that black bit on the end of the nose, just to boost my sense
of smell; retractile claws; the ears; and I guess I'll just see
if pads on the feet are what makes for silent footsteps."
Michael nodded. "Very good. And yourself, Norman?"
The short man was visibly uncomfortable. "If I must... I will
follow Mal's example. I suppose I will go for black panther; finish
the eyes and ears, nothing more."
"Look, Norm, it's for a good cause -- us winning -- so suck
it up like a man, willya?"
"Succinctly phrased, Mal, albeit I should prefer a somewhat
less vulgar vocabulary. A small sacrifice now shall reap great
benefits later on. Has anyone any additions to make to the plan?"
Mal was the only one to respond. "Yeah. If we do trigger a bar
fight, things're gonna get pretty confused for a while there.
What say we take that opportunity to grab loose valuables, money
and jewelry and such, before we bug out?"
"An excellent question. I should exercise caution anywhere near
the vicinity of a vixen, but I see no other negative factors,
as long as it's done quickly and we leave before the police arrive
to quell the disturbance. By all means, let us engage in petty
larceny as opportunity arises. Hmmm... does Sly's itinerary specify
how much time we must spend in the city?"
Mal loked over various items in his palmtop. "No... it doesn't.
In fact, there's no mention of time at all." He looked up at the
centaur. "Which kinda implies we'll have a few hours to kill before
the rest of the tribes come home."
"An intriguing proposition. Do you think you can give us advance
warning if a tribe comes upon us whilst we're messing about with
their campsite?"
Mal shrugged. "Sure thing. The video feed will take care of
that."
"Wonderful! Very well, we shall end the night's festivities
by looting the campsites of any tribes we can manage to vixenize,
and perhaps others if we've got the time for it. Is that it? Any
opportunities we've missed?"
Mary-Anne quietly interjected, "Well, we know everything and
nobody else does, so why don't we tell everyone else where to
go?" A stupid idea, but it's all part of the act.
"So that we can direct them to dangerous places, after which
they transform themselves out of contention for victory? That's
not a bad notion, Mary-Anne, and I thank you for it. Yes, ah,
please, no need to go that far, please..." I really need to concentrate, but I've never... ah...
"The notion ain't bad, but we can't do it the way she says,"
Mal stated. "Just shout out where all the Mutopia traps are, so
that taking our advice zaps 'em 100% of the time? Then they know we have everything, and SurviFur Inc. starts poking around to
find out how we found out about it! No, thanks. Subtle works a lot better.
What we do is, we talk a lot of made-up crap about where to go
and what to do. As long as most of it's bogus, we can even get
away with slipping in a few real facts every once in a while.
And it just so happens that if they do go where we're talking about, they gotta get there by going through spots with a lot of traps! That's how to exploit knowledge without
letting on to outsiders what we really got."
"As you said earlier, my friend, I rather like the way you think.
This should be something of a standing order, then; use disinformation
tactics to mislead the opposition, encourage them to do things
which place themselves into harm's way without either effort or
action on our part. And, do you know, I think this first tribal
council would be an excellent place to start doing that sort of
thing?"
"Just be sure to wait until Sly hands us a map of the city.
We don't want to let on what we got!" Or at least let on as little as possible to anybody, Mal laughed to himself.
"Excellent advice, from one whom (I am sure) has excellent reason
for giving it. Very well, let that be our last addition to tonight's
plan; we shouldn't ought to delay our arrival in tribal council
any further. So let us now go without any further ado, shall we?"
SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur
Squirrels don't enjoy waiting, a rule that Sly was no exception
to. Waiting for Harlem to arrive, in this case. If Sly was any
judge of such things, that group of mixed personalities was a
time-bomb looking for a place to explode; but they'd make for
some brilliant television along the way, and that was what really
counted. The squirrel didn't let his annoyance show, however,
for that wouldn't be professional, and Sly was nothing if not
professional. He killed time by chatting with the other tribes.
There was a noise, four or five approaching people. Finally! Sly thought. After the straggler tribe took its assigned place
in the bleacher benches with the help of a gofer (human assistant,
not burrowing mammal), he tapped his velcroed-on mike and cupped
his other hand around the tiny headset in his ear. "Testing...
testing... final check... annnnd, we're rolling."
The squirrel smiled his ten-million-dollar smile to the camera.
"Welcome, one and all, to SurviFur! For those of the home audience
who are new viewers, I'd like to introduce you to the BioSphere,
which our seven tribes will call home for the next few months.
Inside this dome, they will find every habitat imaginable, from
the wondrous Atlantic shores to the fabulous Atlantic City! I
am their host and yours, Sly Squirrel, Tribal Master." Here he
shifted his throat into overdrive. "And I'd like to acknowledge
SurviFur's debt to USX, the steel company that cares; to I.M. Pei & Associates, world-class architects who design world-class
buildings; the Linux Consortium for software support; and, last
but not least, Hapthorne & Hapthorne, contracting engineers, for
whom no job is too big to do or too small to do right."
With that latest advertisement out of the way, Sly returned
to a normal voiceover as the view shifted to another camera, panning
across the bleachers which held all of this season's contestants.
"First off, I'd like to thank every one of our potential SurviFurs
for participating in this game and risking their existence as
a human being for the sake of five million dollars. Let's give
them all a big round of applause!" Sly clapped heartily as the
broadcast soundtrack echoed with canned applause, then faced the
contestants.
"As all of our regular viewers know, the object of this game
is to be the last..." he looked at the centaur and cat in one
corner, "anthropomorphic creature... who is able to come to tribal
council. That's right, we're looking for the 'last man standing',
as we like to say here at SurviFur. And whoever that last man
(or woman) is, all they need to do is bring some of their humanity
on in to tribal council, and they win! Not only do they win the
game -- but they also get the unprecedented cash prize of five...
million... tax-paid... dollars!" He turned and looked at the camera. "All cash prizes paid out
in interest-free monthly installments over a 10-year period. Financing
by Rothschild of Luxembourg Ltd, with legal assistance from the
wonderfully human lawyers of Philips, Moore, Lempio and Finley."
Sly leaned towards the unfeasibly large bonfire, which had no
business burning in a deciduous forest, leaving just the right
amount of time for the impact of his words to sink in fully. The
cameras panned slowly across the bleachers, getting fine, clear
images of the nearly 30 people who would compete this season.
While a plurality of the group could be categorized as upper-middle-class
WASP male humans, the benches nonetheless contained a statistically
significant selection of other races, species, social classes,
and gender.
"I bet you're all wondering how we plan to do this. For that,
I am proud to introduce Phil McCoy and Jill Frasier, two of the
geniuses behind the wonder drug Mutopia!" Two human-like rabbits
walked into the firelight, their features showing an intense amount
of nervousness and stress. They whispered amongst themselves as
Sly introduced them and then Phil began to reach for his clicker.
"Before they begin," Sly put his hand out to stop them, "I would
like to ask for a moment of silence to mourn over the untimely
deaths of Carter Clover, Larry Willis, and Corey Jenkins. Without
their immense efforts and ultimate sacrifice, Mutopia and this
show would not be possible." Most bowed their heads respectfully,
but a few of the contestants glared indignantly at the delay.
Mal and Michael did not look directly at any of the ones who
glared. Mary-Anne couldn't believe that anybody would be so stupid as to give up any post-contest opportunities
with such a stupid display of annoyance.
Phil cleared his throat after a minute and began a well-rehearsed
presentation on Mutopia. He kept the technical details to a minimum,
instead emphasizing that the extreme potency of the stuff.
"Sly, Jill, and I are all examples of what Mutopia can do for
you," Phil concluded. "But we've got something particularly...
interesting... for the tribes."
Picking up from her partner, Jill said, "After finishing the
original Mutopia, we felt that it could be better. With some experimentation,
we found a variety of viral bodies to model our Mutopia after.
The BioSphere is like any other corner of the world; the same
viruses and bacteria infect this sphere as the real world. We've
just given them a different mission."
Phil smiled evilly. "Every Transformation Trap has some sort
of Mutopia virus. They come in every shape and size imaginable;
if it can host a virus, it could be a Trap. Every Trap will do
some sort of transformation, whether it be a gradual change or
an instantaneous metamorphosis of extraordinary proportions. Some
Mutopia mixes can even rewire your brain, which in turn changes
the way you think."
"Thank you, Phil and Jill!" Sly stepped in, "Now for the rules.
Conspiring against other tribes is just fine; if you want to launch
a transformation war, have at it. Touch the host, you win a big
can of transformation whupass, absolutely free!" Here Sly pulled
out a small dart pistol. "Mess with me, and you literally will
not be able to walk straight when I get done with you."
He put away the gun, and pulled out wads of money. "We won't
leave you out in the cold, though. Every week each tribe receives
200 dollars to spend in our man-made environments." He handed
a fifty to each contestant as he went by. "The money can also
be spent at Med Centers, where a small percentage of your transformation
can be removed at the rate of twenty dollars per one percent of
humanity."
"Every week there will be a vote by the viewers," Sly winked
at the camera, "to determine the favorite tribe. Winners will
receive a small reward, and the losers will have to choose between
a punishment or injecting one of their members with an exorbitant
amount of Mutopia.
"Tonight you have a challenge." Sly stepped back. "A squirrel
will lead you away from your camp to a large tunnel. Inside, a
subway car will take you to Marvelous Manhattan. Go have a good
time on us," Sly grinned. "Any questions?"
"Yes, I have one," Michael said. "I thank you kindly for the
map of the BioSphere as a whole, Mr. Squirrel. What I should like
to know is, have you any intent of providing us with a map of
Manhattan?"
"No, you'll just have to find out for yourselves. Oh yes, one
last thing: Be careful of the Transformation Traps." Sly smiled.
"While you were sitting here, we activated all of them. Game on.
Good luck, and be careful!"
With that, the tribes scattered to make their way back to their
respective camps, with Harlem leaving last so that they could
watch the rest go.
SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur
Harlem's trek back to base camp was uneventful, thanks in large
part to the native paranoia of all its members (plus an occasional
hint from Mal as needed). Once there, Michael spoke to Mal in
a whisper: "Have you managed to tap into the video feeds yet?
It would be rather nice if we could know what they're up to."
"Yes, but there are 70 cameras, so that's a hell of a lot of data," Mal whispered
back. "Biggest problem is winnowing out the wheat from the chaff."
"Well, yes, I suppose I can see that. And have you, perchance,
managed to filter out any kernels of wheat from the sea of chaff?"
"Maybe... and I am shocked." Mal shook his head sadly. "One
of the Bronx boys put a listening device on a tree near their
camp. You'd almost think they don't trust the rest of us. As for
the other tribes, nothing solid yet. Maybe there's internal strife
in Queens; then again, maybe they're putting on an act for the
audience. I'll keep an eye on them, see if there's any openings
we can exploit. Anyway, I've got some filters up and running now,
it'll just take some time for them to do their job." Especially since my 'filters' are the camera crewmen I own. It
would be a bad thing if any of them were caught doing my work on SurviFur's time... "On the plus side, I've got a complete listing of all the Mutopia
traps in Manhattan."
"Very good! Do carry on, Mal," the centaur whispered. Then,
in a normal voice, he spoke to his tribe collectively: "Alright
-- as long as we must wait for the squirrel, we may as well use
this time to map out our strategy for the evening. Just as an
idea, what would you say to feeding dangerous information to the
rest of the tribes?"
"But sir -- we don't have any information, dangerous or otherwise, to feed anyone else."
The centaur was pleased to see Norman catch on so quickly. "True
enough, but that hardly matters, as long as we can get them to think otherwise, wouldn't you agree?"
Mal chuckled. "Damn straight. You'd be surprised what sort of
crap people will believe if you just tell 'em with confidence."
"Quite so, quite so! Very well. Since consistency is a great
virtue in such matters as this, let us weave a collective tale
for the benefit of our competitors. Where do we wish them to go?"
"How about this?" Mal asked. "We're going to someplace modeled
after Manhattan, and the real Manhattan has at least a couple of zoos in it. I think it's pretty
good odds that this Manhattan has at least one zoo, which happens to be crammed full of -- aw, heck. Looks like
our ride is here."
The squirrel which approached the Harlem campsite was perfectly
ordinary in all respects, if one discounted its glow-in-the-dark
blue fur. It scurried up between all four tribesmen, looked expectantly
at each person in turn, and then scurried off in a different direction.
All four Harlemites followed the rodent.
"Like I was saying, I think we want 'em to spend time in the
zoo, if there is one. How about this? We make noise about there
being some really spiffy prize hidden somewhere in the zoo, maybe
around the sloth exhibit..."
The Machiavellian plotting continued until Harlem actually boarded
the subway. Eight people were already present in the car.
"Hi there! My name's Mal, and we're the Harlem tribe."
One of the others stepped up to shake Mal's hand. "Richard.
My tribe is Utopia; the others are Colby, Tina, and that nice
lady over there is Sue." She waved.
"And who might you four be?" Mal asked the other quartet.
"We're Brooklyn," said a balding man who actually did have a
Brooklyn accent. "I'm Joe, and the rest'a my crew here, they's
Harry, Skeets, and Jack. So, ah, you guys think you got a chance?"
At that Michael leapt in, "I daresay our chances are as good
as any, and perhaps better than some. If you have any reason to
believe otherwise, I'd be curious to know why you think so."
"Well, nothin' personal, but you an' the cat, you already got
two strikes against you, ya know what I mean? The shrimp don't
look like nothin' special, and since the only fully human type
you got is Mr. African-American there, I'd say you guys is pretty
well fucked, right from the start." Belatedly, Joe looked at Mal.
"Hey, I'm jus' tellin' it like I sees it. No offense meant, right?"
Mal's smile never faltered. "And none taken; I just consider
the source."
"An' what's that suppos' ta mean?"
"Show me a guy who judges other people by their skin color,
and I'll show you a clueless, pig-ignorant, sister-raping moron."
Joe's face reddened, but he didn't say anything. Mal continued:
"Just telling it like I see it. No offense, right?"
"Yeeeaaaah... No offense." Oddly enough, Joe's expression suggested
he'd taken quite a bit of offense.
The conversation died then. The remainder of the subway ride
was peaceful only in that no openly hostile activity occurred;
all of the riders were more than happy to go their separate ways.
Once the other tribes were out of earshot, Michael asked, "Do
you really think that was necessary, Mal?"
"Baiting that fucker? Maybe not, but it sure made me feel better. And angry people make stupid mistakes, so if he's
as pissed-off as he looked, he's gonna be an easy target." Mal
smiled at Mary-Anne, then signaled for a huddle. With all four
Harlemites close at hand, Mal whispered, "What do you say we introduce
Brooklyn to the wonderful world of vixens?"
Mary-Ann tried to keep her true self hidden, but a little still
got out: "'Two strikes against you' -- hmph! I think that would
be a very good thing, Mal. I will be more than happy to help teach
those poor, ignorant people what furry life is all about."
Interesting, Mal thought. Could Miss Kitty have been Black in a previous life -- or is she
just one of those furry screwballs?
"One victim is just as good as another," Michael whispered.
"But do exercise caution, won't you, Mary-Anne? I rather got the
impression that Brooklyn's tribesmen are the sort of people that
give you Americans a bad name, to be perfectly frank."
"Got that right," Mal agreed. "Okay; let's get going. If past SurviFur
seasons are any indication, there's no traps in the subway stations,
so I think I'll check the phone directories and see where the
nearest topless joint and art store are."
"Excuse me, but that's something I'm puzzled by. Since SurviFur
manifestly has been on the air for the past few years, why are they making such
a fuss about it being the first season?"
"It's the first season under the current management," Norman
whispered. "As I understand it, the old managerial regime sold
out to a consortium led by the surviving Virtual Biotechnology
employees."
"Ah. Thank you, Norman."
"Of course, sir."
"As for you, Mal, do carry on, please."
"I'm on it." So saying, he left the group, returning within
two minutes. "Okay," he whispered, "we got a live one. The place
is called Furrtive Moments, it's 10 blocks north and a little
west of here, and I've plotted a course that's free of Mutopia
as far as I can tell. Be careful anyway; for all I know, they
might have some surprises that ain't on the network."
Fortunately there weren't any Mutopia traps on the route they
took.
Furrtive Moments proved to be a sleazy establishment in a run-down,
odoriferous neighborhood, with duct tape holding some windows
together and illegible grafitti on the walls and in the pockmarked
parking lot. And the roomy interior wasn't much better; the aroma
of urine outside was replaced by smoke from incense and cigarettes
inside, but that was all.
All of the bar's waiters and service personnel were generously-endowed
vixens. There was a stage on which several of them gyrated rhythmically
to a dated sound track, and a number of others giving command
performances to individual patrons.
"This must be the place," Mal said, the ambient noise rendering
him inaudible to anyone more than 3 feet away from him. Mary-Anne
scanned the room, her eyes carefully evaluating all its occupants
and their positions although her expression showed only fear and
nervousness.
"Indeed it must," Michael agreed. "Mary-Anne, do you think you
could find a suitable vixen to brush up against?"
"I, I, think so. Yes, I can. For the tribe." She swallowed nervously
and then put a false bravado into her voice, "Yes I can you silly boy!" she cooed, and leapt up to give him another kiss.
"Of course I can!" she continued, seemingly oblivious to the centaur's
minor discomfort, and then she strode out into the room, looking
at everything as if she was a tourist fresh off the bus from East
Nowhere, Nebraska. Then she backed into one of the dancers...
Mary-Anne was dazed for a moment, and then a wave of change
passed through her entire body. Her long white fur gave way to
short red-brown fur; her stubby muzzle pushed out into an elongated
fox's snout; her tail floofed out into a bushy vulpine appendage;
and her claws extended and stayed that way. It was over within
a less than a minute; not long after, a human male in an ill-fitting
suit escorted her off somewhere backstage.
"There but for the grace of God go I..." Mal said sardonically.
"Ah, yes. Now let's get on with our own business, shall we?"
With that, the three male Harlemites left the bar.
In a backstage office, Mary-Anne was being subjected to a sales
pitch that she found extremely interesting, but couldn't really
afford to say "yes" to. "...You get medical insurance. You want
any body modifications that'll improve your popularity here, we
cover the cost for you. Overtime is strictly voluntary; you don't
want it, we don't even ask. Whaddaya say, Mary-Anne?"
"Well... first I want to freshen my makeup, okay? I really wasn't
expecting to have brown fur!"
The manager laughed. "Sure thing. You maybe want some privacy?"
"Oh, no!" she squealed happily and then continued, "I don't
mind people looking at me!", apparently oblivious to the predatory
gleam that appeared in the human's face when she said that. She
quickly redid her face, including a very special lipstick, after
which she gave the manager a long, slow, sensual kiss that left
him speechless. "Do you like what you see, mister?"
"Oh... yes... I... do..."
"And you'd like to have me on your payroll, wouldn't you?"
"Yes... I... would..."
Mary-Anne frowned. At this rate, it would take forever to do
what she wanted. "I think you're in danger of straining your voice.
You'd better stick to one-syllable answers; is that okay with
you?"
"Yes..."
Now that her victim was almost in a trance, Mary-Anne removed
her watch and held it before his face and twisted it. Back and
forth, forth and back. It was unfortunate that hypnotism couldn't
do what was shown in popular fiction, but it certainly aided her
drugs and the victim's suggestibility.
Soon, Mary-Anne was well on her way to the most favorable contract
ever given to any Furrtive Moments vixen, luxuriating in this
rare chance to let her real self loose.
SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur
Meanwhile, Harlem's male contingent were traveling towards Herb
Trimpe & Sons, an art supplies shop that just happened to be having
a 75% Off sale (and, not coincidentally, was listed in Mal's files
as containing a goodly pile of Mutopia). Although it wasn't that
far as the crow flew, they didn't take the most direct route.
Instead they made sure to behave like stereotypical tourists,
wandering randomly through the big city, and if it so happened
that they didn't trigger any Mutopia traps along the way, well,
that was just the result of blind chance, wasn't it?
By design, they did encounter some drug pushers along the way.
Mal, the one fully human member of the trio, handled negotiations.
Before they were halfway to their destination, Michael declared
that they'd gotten more than enough Mutopia-laced drugs to serve
their purposes.
SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur
Back in Furrtive Moments, Mary-Anne considered her handiwork,
and pronounced it good. She would get $1,000 per week even if
she never set foot anywhere near the place again (and the cash
would accumulate until she did appear); a $200/day bonus for each
day she did show up; $350/day for every day on which she elected
to dance for the customers at all; a further $250/day bonus for
each day on which she performed lap dances or any other "private"
performance; a $100 "finder's fee" for every new vixen she brought
into the business; and any bodily improvements she acquired through
Furrtive Moments would not include any brain-deadening side-effects.
Now to make life much more interesting for my intended victims, she thought. "Mister Darren, there's something I should tell
you about some of the new foxes I'll be converting..."
SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur
Herb Trimpe & Sons was a well-kept storefront in a gracefully-aging
neighborhood. The men went in, and were quickly lost amidst the
store's unfamiliar offerings. Such brand names as Koh-I-Noor,
Speedball, Hammermill, and Winsor-Newton were completely beyond
their ken.
"May I help you gentlemen?" a sales clerk asked. His nametag
read ALFRED.
Norman responded, "Yes, you may, Alfred. I'd like to get into
art as a hobby, but I'm on a tight budget. What can you do for
me?"
Alfred smiled warmly. "I think I know just what you need, sir.
If you'll follow me, please?"
It didn't take long for Norman to become the proud owner of
a full ream of drawing paper, a set of graduated charcoal sticks,
8 ounces of black ink, and a fountain pen, all of them at three-fourths
off normal retail price. While he was so occupied, his comrades
changed their fifties for tens.
Once they were outside the store Michael said, "Well, then,
Norman. Now that you've got what you came for, Mal and I should
follow your example. Where are the other tribesmen, Mal, if you
please?"
"Gimme a few seconds, I gotta check something," he said, outwardly
focused on his palmtop. Hmm, nothing of interest there -- there -- there -- or there.
And Miss Kitty's got all four Brooklynites in tow; sweet. "Okay. Video feed says they're all far away from here, looks
like we're not gonna see any of 'em for a half-hour, minimum."
"And none of them have left any amusing residues in this area?"
"Set up any traps, you mean? Not here nor anywhere in Manhattan,
as best I can tell."
"Quite excellent! We shall split up to get our portraits taken
simultaneously then, and when it's done we shall make rendezvous
here, with you, Norman... Ah, you're going to take your own portrait,
then?"
"Yes, sir. It struck me as the most efficient means to confirm
Mal's theory regarding the Mutopia in these supplies."
Michael nodded. And rather the most foolhardy as well. "Very good. Carry on then!"
Each of the Harlem tribesmen found an artist; as well each of
them found that SurviFur competitors had certain privileges which
the BioSphere's permanent residents did not. Far from complaining
about it, the people lined up for portraits went out of their
way to grant the tribesmen license to go to the front of the line.
Thus it was mere minutes before their portraits were complete.
While the changes imposed on them by the portraits didn't render
them entirely unrecognizeable, it was nevertheless helpful that
Michael had insisted on them telling each other what they would
look like afterwards. Mal's artist had gone beyond his specifications.
In addition to the eyes, ears, nose, pads and claws he'd asked
for, he also had a pronounced muzzle; tiger-striped fur covering
every inch of his scalp, much of his face, his arms from hands
to elbows, and his legs from just above the ankles on down; a
sizeable lump at the base of his spine; and elongated feet. He
carried his shoes in one hand, since he could no longer wear them,
and his heels kept trying to twitch up off the ground. Fortunately,
Michael had no unauthorized additions -- he was a liontaur, and
the six-inch claws on his four legs were metallic-looking daggers.
By the time they got back to Norman, his drawing no longer portrayed
a human being. The figure's head was that of a panther; there
were dark patches all over it; and its hands had only three fingers
apiece. And the figure was a completely accurate portrayal of
Norman's current appearance. As they watched, Norman rubbed another
dark patch onto his self-portrait, rumbling with contentment as
fur sprouted on the corresponding part of his body. He'd somehow
managed to grow up to over five feet in height.
"I see," Michael observed slowly. "You did warn that this particular
kind of Mutopia just might affect one's brain, hence one's mind
and judgement, didn't you?"
"Yep. And now it looks like we know how it messes with the brain." Norman was oblivious to their conversation
as Mal continued, "You think we should stop him?"
"Heavens, no! Do you want to risk being changed like that as
well? I certainly don't. Besides, I want to see just how far he'll
go before he snaps out of it. He bought a bloody ream of the stuff,
after all, and I'd rather like to see what the effects are so I can better gauge its utility as a weapon."
While they'd talked, Norman had finished rubbing fur-patches
onto his portrait so that there was no bare skin anywhere on it.
He'd long since stripped naked above the waist, and was now removing
what was below it, leaving his fanny-pack as the sole article
of clothing he still wore. As with the self-portrait, no bare
skin was visible anywhere. He added one more feature, a two-foot-long
tail that grew out as he sketched it in, before pronouncing the
portrait complete.
"Very good." His voice was now an inhumanly deep, nearly bone-shaking
basso rumble. "There you both are; see how well it works? I'm
exactly what I wanted to be!"
The tiger and liontaur looked at each other for a moment. Michael
was the first to speak: "And precisely when is it, please, that you decided not to stop with the eyes and
ears?"
Norman shrugged happily. "Yeah, that's what I thought before,
but I changed my mind. I decided... I thought..." Finally he started
frowning. "But I wouldn't... oh my God! What have I done?!" He
buried his head in his three-fingered hands.
And Michael continued, "You've made yourself a significantly
more efficacious member of the Harlem tribe, sir. That is what you've done."
Abruptly, Norman's head jerked up like a turret, first glaring
at Michael, and then aiming a cold and hostile glare at Mal, the
culprit who had not provided all the information. "You! Why didn't
you tell me --"
"Because I didn't know, and you weren't listening," Mal said, cutting off Norman's tirade a-borning. "Yeah, I said
the art stuff could change you to order; but I also said I didn't
trust the stuff, and it probably messed with your brain. And,
guess what? It turns out the stuff does mess with your brain. You want to blame someone, go blame yourself
for only hearing what you wanted to hear. Homey don't play that
game." So saying, Mal let the anger fall from his face and went
on in a normal tone, "Anyway, Lion-O here is right. No matter
what happened or whose fault it is, you still got all your tools
and skills . It's just that now, you've also got some physical abilities you didn't used to. You saying this
is a problem?"
"You're... It's... you're right, I should have listened." He
growled angrily. "My fault. I apologize. I should not have allowed
my personal concerns to distract me."
"So you don't wanna be furry," Mal said with a shrug. "I wasn't
exactly planning on it myself, but it made sense. And if we win,
the fur's gone, right?" For one of us, anyway.
"Yes. I must keep my eyes on the ultimate prize; anything between
now and then is, at worst, a temporary inconvenience."
"That's the proper spirit, Norman!" the centaur said. "Now let's
go back to Furrtive Moments, shall we? I believe there's a brawl
waiting for us to spark it off."
SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur
Pausing only to allow Norman to collect and pack away his things,
the trio moved out. They took a different route, but still one
that was lacking in Mutopia, or so they thought. While Michael's
top speed had indeed been reduced, Norman and Mal found they could
move more quickly than before, and thus the group as a whole was
faster now than they had been earlier.
Unfortunately they all recognized the problem when a beggar
suddenly thrust himself in front of them. "Spare change, mister?"
Michael was the first to react; he grabbed a $10 bill and threw
it forward whilst grabbing Norman and preparing to run. Mal panicked,
took a step, and felt his vestigial tail stretch and thin. Then
he fumbled for a bill and tossed it, after which he bounded after
the others.
SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur SurviFur
They didn't stop running until they were almost at their destination
and the few more steps were just enough to allow them to catch
their breath. Mary-Anne was waiting for them at the door.
"Hello, gentlemen! Welcome to Furrtive Moments! We're here for
your pleasure. Our golden rule is 'look but don't touch' so keep
that in mind so that everyone can have a much more pleasant experience."
Her voice had acquired a subtly different timbre, but was quite
recognizable anyway. "You're so handsome, Michael! I bet you did
it just for me."
"Shh -- you've forgotten us!"
Mary-Anne didn't miss the blush that was almost hidden beneath
Michael's new fur. It was such fun to play the naive innocent some times. "May I show you to a table
or booth?"
"Yeah," Mal said before anyone else could. "I'd kinda like to
get an overview of the whole room. You got something in a corner
or along a wall?"
"I think we do, sir. If you'll just wait here a moment?" My parlour waits to entertain you gentlemen. So saying, the former cat went off to the left. Not long after,
a human male in an ill-fitting suit came out from backstage, and
Mary-Anne returned to her comrades.
"You're in luck, gentlemen. A corner booth just opened up. Walk
this way, please?" As Harlem walked to the corner, the man in
the suit escorted two dazed vixens back somewhere behind the stage.
"Well. What do you recommend, please?" Michael said, keeping
up the appearance of being a normal customer.
Mary-Anne pitched her voice low: "Don't eat or drink here. The
food is awful, and they put all sorts of nasty stuff in the liquor."
"That so? Well, in that case nobody will ever notice a little
more nasty stuff," Mal said, matching Mary-Anne's inconspicuous
tones as he extracted from his pockets the free samples he'd collected
earlier. He slid them over to Mary-Anne, being careful not to
come anywhere near touching her.
She fumbled, expertly making sure that only the three at the
table could see the fumble, and then finally made the small containers
vanish. In a normal voice, she continued, "Of course, sirs. Just
take your time, and I'll be with you when you're ready to order."
Then she walked away.
"There goes a woman who really enjoys her work," Mal said.
Michael turned a cold gaze on Mal, "No, she does what she has
to. I only wish she didn't have to lower herself in this fashion.
Her innocence will be protected." The liontaur smiled and let
his teeth show, and then turned and looked wistfully in Mary-Anne's
general direction for a moment, before finally blinking and turning
back to his comrades. "Tell me, Mal. Have our little fish taken
the bait?"
"See for yourself," the tiger said, pointing at a table near
the stage. All four Brooklynites were there, and all of them appeared
to be somewhat intoxicated.
"Most excellent indeed! How very lucky of Mary-Anne, to have
placed them so close to the epicenter, as it were."
Mal disagreed. Lucky, my ass. I'll bet she plans everything, no luck need apply. For your sake I hope that's an act you're
putting on, Mike, but I doubt it. You haven't got Clue One about
what she's doing to you, do you? Poor bastard. "They'll never know what hit them, even if they were sober."
Mal's tones carried great satisfaction, displaying no hint of
the growing worry within. It seems that Mary-Anne had already
sunk her claws into the centaur in more ways then one. Mentally
shaking his head, Mal looked down at his palmtop which displayed
the video feed from the camera that was discreetly filming the
Brooklyn tribe.
It wasn't more than half an hour before the first signs of trouble
appeared: first rowdy behavior, then feathers and scales sprouting
on the rowdiest of the troublemakers.
"They're playing our song," Mal observed, with a grin. "Shall
we dance?"
"No, I think it best that we wait a bit longer, my friend. Let
the band strike a more up-tempo tune, as it were."
Michael's wish was soon granted. The first punch was thrown
by someone with a perfectly-formed feathered crest on his head;
his immediate squeal of pain told the crowd he hadn't realized
that fists work better when the curled-up fingers aren't equipped
with sharp talons. Then things got more interesting.
"Alright. Let me take point, I've got a little experience with
this thing," Mal said, indicating his staff.
So it was that the Mal the tiger carved a path through the melee,
using his staff to shove people aside where possible and knock
them unconscious where necessary, followed by the liontaur and
the panther. The collective impression made by all three cat-things
together, one with a dangerously whirling staff, was enough to
dissuade all but the most irrational from even thinking about
attacking them. Those few foolhardy enough to try it anyway soon
learned just how big a mistake that was. Even so, it took longer
than Mal liked to reach the Brooklyn tribe, as both Michael and
Norman insisted on picking the pockets of any unconscious bodies
within arm's reach.
"Remember," said Mal, "the vixens're hiding up on stage. We
gotta throw our targets up there to meet them."
"Can do," Norman rumbled in his new basso profundo voice. Michael
said nothing; he was busy giving a horse-style kick to an annoying
drunk.
The Brooklynites, focused purely upon the people they were beating
up, didn't even notice their rival tribe approaching. That'll never do, Mal thought, and then called out, "Hey, Joe! Is that a pencil
in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?"
Joe did a double-take, torn between Mal's insult and the person
before him who was doing his level best to break Joe's face. One
low and powerful kick later, Joe could give his full attention
to Mal whom he was able to recognize close up: "So you are a fuckin' animal!"
An unpleasant smile on his face, Mal slipped into a ready stance,
with his staff behind his back, right hand holding the top end
over his right shoulder, left arm crossing his torso to hold the
bottom end. "Bring it on. Or admit you ain't man enough to take
me."
It was no contest. As Joe charged, Mal's left hand shot forward
cramming the bottom end of the staff painfully into Joe's diaphragm.
In the next split-second, Mal brought his left hand up, swinging
the free end of his staff in a competent uppercut that drove all
consciousness from Joe's body. The tiger reached forward to grab
Joe before he fell to the ground, crouched back a bit, then shot-putted
Joe onto the stage where he slid underneath the curtain.
While Mal was thus occupied, his comrades were not idle. Norman's
transformation had worked wonders for his musculature; even open-handed
(to avoid shredding his paws, as he might do with a fist), his
strikes carried enough force to stun most humans. And he was fortunate
enough to have two Brooklynites side by side, the better to clap
their heads together... The final Brooklynite was lucky enough
to learn why it wasn't a good idea to be on the receiving end
of a liontaur's pounce.
Unconscious and bleeding from the head, or merely scared insensible,
the remaining Brooklynites quickly followed their comrade up onto
the stage. Then it was simply a matter of clearing a path back
to their corner booth, as they'd seen Mary-Anne peek out from
behind the curtain to point to it. Going back was much easier
than going in, because this time there were fewer active people,
and most were now willing to stay the hell out of Harlem's way.
Mary-Anne met them there; she'd started over at about the same
time, but had to go around the brawl rather than straight through
it. "I want to go now," she said. "The police are coming."
"Which means we'd best be going, then," Michael said, but then
he sighed. "My only regret is that we neglected to take custody
of the Brooklynites' valuables..."
The vixen swallowed and almost sobbed, "I'm sorry, I forgot!"
Not really, but I don't see any need to share my wealth.
Michael started to reach out to comfort her but then forced
himself to stop.
"Don't worry," Mary-Anne whispered, "as soon as we're out the
door, I'm off-duty and safe."
"Let's go," Norman hissed.
Harlem was about halfway to the subway station when they saw
the first police car drive by. "Good timing," Mal said. The trek
was otherwise without incident, for they were following the same
route that had taken them from the station to Furrtive Moments
originally.
The station had a ticket booth, but the person manning that
booth refused to take any money. "It's on the house for SurviFur
contestants," he said. "Where to?"
"We'd like to visit the Brooklyn campsite, if you please," Michael
replied. "Can you get us there?"
"Sure thing. It's open access tonight. Be another train along
in 3 minutes, take you directly there."
"Thank you very much, sir."
"You're welcome."
Once seated and waiting for the train (trying to ignore the
sexy vixen pressed tight against his side apparently shivering
with repressed fear and tension and sobbing quietly) the liontaur
whispered to Mal, "Do you suppose your filters have found anything
interesting with regards to Brooklyn yet?"
"Nope. They didn't do anything interesting. No bugs, no hidden caches, no traps, nothing!"
"And I take it the same may be said of the items they brought
in with them -- nothing interesting there, either?"
"You got it. A little food and water, some matches, a couple
hatchets, nothing big."
The liontaur looked into the middle distance for a moment as
his clockwork mind went to work. "I see. Very well then; we shall
rob their campsite anyway. After all, we have traditions to start
up. Do you think you could print up some notes to leave there,
incriminating the Bronx for this theft?"
"The guys with the bug? How about Queens instead? If they really
are having problems with each other..."
"Hmmm, I think I see what you're driving at. Each one will know
he had nothing to do with it, yet at the same time he can't help
but wonder why his comrades didn't take him along with them on
that raid. Yes, I think that should fan the fires of dissension
nicely, Mal, even if there weren't any to begin with. Thank you
very kindly."
Then Michael turned and comforted the sobbing vixen, repeating
again and again that she had only done what she had to, and he
still loved her. She let herself appear to regain some calm by
the time the train stopped, but remained quiet as Harlem snuck
into the Brooklyn camp and took everything of use that wasn't
nailed down. Mal scattered around the place some apparently-handwritten
notes that read "QUEENS RULEZ" and the like, and by then the remaining
tribes were beginning to return to their camps, so it was time
to call it a night.
And of all of Harlem, the happiest of all, beneath her outward
fear and sadness, was little Mary-Anne. Michael was now hers,
and her bank balance in Manhattan was well into five digits.