The Bumper Book of Humorous Mythos Songs

One day I sat down to revise for a maths exam. The resulting mental instability from reading too many notes opened my mind to the sleeper's thoughts, with the following horrible consequences:
Some fellow converts have since added their own prose to my collection and due to my continuing resonance to the big C's alpha wave, further attempts as well.

Nursery rhymes

Old mother Hubbard
Old mother Hubbard,
Went to the cupboard,
To get her poor Shoggoth a bone.
When she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
So the Shoggoth devoured her whole.

Ring a Ring of cultists 'A ring, a ring of roses'
Ring a Ring of Cultists,
The pentagram convulses,
Ichor! Ichor!
They all start to drown.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Aldebaran 'Twinkle, Twinkle, little star'
Twinkle, Twinkle, Aldebaran,
Home of Haster, chant your psalm.
To us the world is quite inane,
The yellow sign - driven us insane.
Twinkle, Twinkle, Aldebaran,
We're freeing Haster - unspeakable harm.

Rev. Peters 'Mary had a little lamb'
Rev. Peters had a little spade,
It was used to dig a hole.
In a graveyard, at the dead of night,
Sanity loss has it's toll.

The black goat 'Baa, Baa, Black sheep'
Iä, Iä, Black goat,
Have you any young?
Chanting, Chanting,
Thousands yet to come.
All for Cthulhu,
Sleeping 'neath the waves.
Worship Shub Nigurath unto our graves.
-Tim Cooke and Tim Massingham
Shub Nigurath - 'Black goat with a thousand young' (for you Lovecraft Philistines)


There was an old man named Kent,
Who came from the village of Brent.
He rejoiced at the night,
For the stars where right.
Chanting Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn as he went.
There was an "old" man called Warwick
Who murmured "Alas, poor Yorick"
To an exploded head
As through chaos we fled
Back to Brent, where we all felt euphoric
- Marcus Ogden
There once was a wizard called Warwick
Who hailed from a time most historic
"Yes, ye have guessed -
"I love Cthulhu" he says
"But I assure ye it's strictly platonic"
- Marcus Ogden


I'm the king of the star spawn 'I'm the king of the monkeys' - Disney's Jungle book
I'm the king of star-spawn,
and R'lyeh is where I sleep.
I've a cult at the top,
Insanity don't stop,
Confinement doesn't stop me.

I wanna warp minds,
Yeah, man minds.
My dreaming reaches wide,
perverting thoughts in slumbering brains,
there ain't no place to hide.

O, ube-do,
I wanna rule over you-ou-ou,
I wanna enslave you,
you go insane to,
You see its true-ue-ue,
a blaspheme like me-ee-ee,
can crush your mind,
in my cult you'll find,
home to-oo-oo.


Common Cultists 'Common People' - Pulp
She came from Brent,
she loved dangerous knowledge.
Read blasphemous works at Arkham college
And then a spell caught her eye.

She told me she'd summoned a horror,
A mound of goo which lurched right for her.
It had slime,
then in thirty seconds time,
she said:

I wanna summon blasphemous horrors,
I wanna do what ever common cultists do.
Want to chant like common cultists,
Want to sacrifice normal people like you,
Well what else could I do,
I said "not you too"


The deep ones 'Flintstone's theme tune'
Deep ones, meet the deep ones,
they're a modern, pre-cambrian family.
Come on, down to R'lyeh,
there are things that are blasphemies.

Some day, maybe Cthulhu will win the fight,
and then, the night stars will be right.
When you're with the Deep ones,
Have a slimy, ichor-goo time,
A slimy, ichor-goo time,
When the stars are right


Antennae face 'Chantilly Lace'-Big Bopper
Antennae face
and a carapace.
Bony tail
hanging down.
A slither in the walk
and a gibber in the talk
make my SAN go down down down.

There ain't nothin' in the world
like a bug-eyed girl
to make me act so funny,
make me kill my buddies,
send me to my doom
in a rubber room,
oh, baby, that's what I like!

by John S. Adair and Holly E. Taylor

Songs by other artists:
- "Slime away" Oasis
- "Haster in the sky with Byakhees" The beatles
- "Suicide is painless" Theme from MASH
- "They're coming to take me away, HA, HA." Don't know this one
- "Can I play with madness" Iron Maiden
- "I saw the (yellow) sign" Ace of Base. Includes the lines
I saw the sign,
It opened up my mind,
I saw the sign.

- obvious Cthulhoid influences, spooky.
- "These Dreams" Heart
Includes the Cthulhoid lines:
"These dreams,
that come when I close my eyes.
Every second of the night,
I need you more each time."

Personal ad. in paper - "Does anyone know how to toilet train a Shoggoth, it keeps leaving piles of ichor around the house and then squishing embarrassed into the corner."
Cthulhu books -
"A brief history of slime." - Steven W. Cthulhu
"A hundred and one uses for a dead Shoggoth"
"Zen and the art of gating things that should not be"
"The hitch-hikers guide to blaspheme" - Dagon Adams
-includes the line "Cthulhu's just this guy, you know."
Some stuff Marcus sent me from our e-mail archive (otherwise known as his read-mail folder.)

From Apr 28 08:15:39 1996
Date: Sun, 28 Apr 1996 00:56:38 +0000 (GMT)
From: Marcus Ogden 
To: Tim Massingham 
Subject: For Web page #2: Limericks, one-liners etc.

A Cthulhu joke (nicked from DRAGON, but so what?):

Q. How many COC investigators does it take to change a light bulb?
A. All of them. Never split the party.


Row, row, row your boat,
Down into the deeps.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
To where Cthulhu sleeps.

  - Tim Massingham


Q:  How do Cthulhu's non-Euclidean architects do trigonometry?
A:  With an Elder Sine!

  - Marcus Ogden


MY FAVOURITE THINGS  ("The Sound of Music")

Shoggoths that glibber
and ghouls that go meeping,
Eldritch dark ichor
and the dead never sleeping;
Nightgaunts that flap
with their blasphemous wings,
these are a few
of my favourite things.

What is squamous; what is rugose; what is inchoate;
I simply invoke all my favourite things
through the five-dimensional gate.

  - Chris Amies

"Cthulhu in '96: Why Vote For The Lesser Evil?"

Gnarlytoehep, the Surfer With a Thousand Toes... DUDE!

Humans: bet you can't eat just one!

Finish reading tome
Sunday, 30-Jan-2000 21:59:53 GMT