{Suitable dramatic chords}
- Health warning, material contained in this tome is incredibly dangerous to a person's sanity and, in any case, extremely childish.The Guilty: TimC (or HTM) Tim Cooke TimM Tim Massingham Julian Julian Field Marcus Marcus Ogden Dom Dominic Foster Mat Mat Charles Quotes from a Warhammer one-off ------------------------------- [Note: this session was intended as a satire, we're not normally this bad.] As the inn keeper gives the PC's bed and evening meal - "Have a nice day" - actual quote from the scenario, the author was obviously highly trained in the school of corny dialogue. It wasn't even an American module! "A notice catches your eye" "Of course it does, plot device (TM)" "It's sort of like a tortoise with tentacles" - description of a beast of Nurgle. This description is pretty inaccurate, it really looks like a tortoise with tentacles and a tail. "Maybe if we sing the chant backwards it'll go away" "I'll probably come out as a Cliff Richard song" - Group bursts into a quick chorus of 'I wish it could be Christmas...' The NPC's helping the players charge the Beast of Nurgle and die horribly in the first round - "Looks like the GM's being lazy again" Later the party arrive at a boat; the party's fisherman, overjoyed at finally being able to use some of his skills, goes a bit manic. "Can I make a river-lore roll" - fails by a wide margin. "Lets sail it away" - fails a sail roll, stands blowing into his hand as the other 2 PC's row the boat from the shore. (Isn't it funny how you forget to check these fundamental things.) "Can I make a swim roll, please?" From AD&D one off's ------------------ "Shit, we're in Ravenloft aren't we" - The party finds an old manuscript. The GM does a passable impression of the Cheshire cat. (AD&D 24hr marathon session.) "After flattening a predator, the party pinches it's plasma rifle and fires at a passing elephant. After five minutes frenzied dice rolling, the GM declares "It stops moving." "Only if absolute necessary" - A Ravenloft Scientist on Vivisection. "Like Spock in a leather jacket" - description of an Elven sailor. Say no more. Star-Wars movie marathon ------------------------ During 'Empire Strikes Back' - Chewbacka is trying to get the bits of C3-PO from the Ugnaughts. The sound track consists entire of grunts and growls as the wookie converses. "This is real Shakespearean dialog here" The wookie picks up C3-PO's head ala Yorick and begins to grunt his soliloquy. Polycon Convention '96 Quotes ----------------------------- "What thickness of pig stops detect magic?" "You can buy the services of the local trades people" "I've got virtually no kit" "I'll take the front with my 10' pole." "Are you using it one-handed or two-handed?" "I'll grasp his pole" {I think Julian and TimC were deliberately feeding each other lines at this stage} "You now have a pump in your portable hole." "Oh, they're not at it again." "Toss?" "They look RUBBISH!" - comment on a couple of (very enthusiastic) Live role players. Cthulhu (general quotes) ------------------------ (laughter coming from Julian) "You don't want to know what that reminded me of." On closer questioning, he has been proved right time and time again. "How many tentacles has he got?" - Party meets new NPC. "Are you a cultist?" - Conversing with the new NPC. "Obviously up to his elbows in eldritch ichor" - General statement about any NPC who tries to help us in any way. "It looks very non-Euclidean" description of a building in a piss-take session. "You're in a dark room, there is a table in the middle of the room and a window." First line from start of campaign, probably nicked from 'The hobbit' computer game. (7th May '96) *** Tentacle Campaign Quotes - "Oh, I haven't _got_ a middle name - that's why I couldn't remember it." [Mat] - "I don't know how you roleplay skin cancer" [TimC] - "I'll get it out" [Julian - who else?] - "We're all going to take showers" [Dom] - "One at a time?" [Julian] *** Colour out of space one-off session ----------------------------------- - "Have you got any legs?" [Dom to TimC] - "What are you doing with this hand?" [Marcus] - "I'll put it in that dark bunker" [Dom] - "I'll give him some shit" [Marcus] - "Where are you going to get that from?" [TimC] - "If you want to be entered and you have the cash with you, we can do business afterwards: an innuendo cubed in my view" [Julian] - "You're obviously not as sick as me..." [TimC] - "I'm going to the toilet." [Julian] - "With one hand behind your back?" [Mat] {Another reference to some amazingly skilled LPR'ers we saw at polycon - snigger} - "Up and coming - that's an innuendo squared." [Julian] - "Ok: two dead dogs" [TimM] - "Are they dead?" [Julian] - "I think we should invest in a goat. And YOUR paying for it" [Mat to TimM] - "Who wants the hedgehog's eyeballs." [Mat]
Sunday, 30-Jan-2000 21:59:53 GMT
Finish reading tome