Today I traveled to a remote land. I journeyed on the train across the mountains to come to a school. Here I sit wondering how this giganfreous journey was all worth it, when all I'm doing at school is remotely connecting to my computer and typing in a journal entry. Okay fine it's just a half hour by car, but still I'm at a SCHOOL! I only get to take one class, but it's a nice one, from which I can learn study skills, aptly titled 'Study Skills'. I made it the first day, which was quite a scary game of touch and go for a while, but the St. John's Wort kept me from freaking out, so I just went and did so very successfully. As usual the book they demand you buy might not be needed, but only in that there's a good chance that this one single class I am taking will be canceled. If my history is any indication that will be the start of a helpless slide for me back into isolation and depression, but my plan is, if the class fails, to check out some of them 'Unitarian' churches, or any other place that respects godless heathens for who they are. The only church I can reach without taking a two day trip though, mostly only holds sermons which I could as soon do without. Community connections and support is what I want from something like that. And also I'll continue preparing for my next semester, and hopefully get to where I can do abstract concepts and writing, my strong points, and not machines and implementing algorithms, my weak points. Technical journalism I suppose, writing docs and such. Not that any of the Corporate Reich is tech savvy enough to deign to think a full time documenter is a good addition to any programming group.
Anyone ever notice that 'team player' means more than just that you get along well with other people? It seems to me management also expects it to mean you sacrifice for your team, as if you were actually getting paid to do so, and respect your hierarchy of authority because 'team players' don't report bad managers to the local newspaper's Opinions page. I mean, some buzz words are worse than others, but 'team player?' Give me a break. :p Anything you do above and beyond what you are paid for is labor stolen from you by your beloved company. Not that you don't sometimes "Do whatchu gotta do" but your managers, and their managers and upward will try to make that happen as much as possible: that the fate of the Project is hanging on your actions, and unless you work harder than is wise, healthy, or compensated for, you will "let everyone down." Gods I despise fascist Corporate advertising; it should be met with violent indignation I think, even though nobody else seems to see the problem with it. They are all fooled by the media machine that turns them into easy targets for being exploited, undermined, and disempowered. You want to hurt yourself, because to do otherwise wouldn't be "professional" now would it?