I need new friends. -.-
My RL set of acquaintences is remarkably full of psychos, lackwits and lazy bastards. They're all perfectly nice people, but it's incredibly hard to find someone who exists, but is not screwed up! There seem to be two kinds of people out there: the nonexistent and the existent. The former group are non-sentient animals, smiling and talking when prodded, but otherwise going about a very predictable pattern of action and reaction: reacting appropriately to mass marketing, following popular opinion without question, generally not speaking at all, except to talk about sexual relationships. They are the ones who click on the monkey, who gather in tables and smile creepily at each other without a single word exchanged, or else are silent and bent over their homework, seeming to need no social interaction at all. At least half of the people in my classes evaporate once they leave class. Nobody pauses outside to discuss the lecture. People just look at me strangely when I ask if they want to form a study group. Group things are so absent; it's like nobody else cares about coming together as a community. Or no, it's like these people don't care about anything at all. They just do.
The second group actively seek out interesting things. If not confident enough to join in on conversations, they will at least hover on the borders and will join in when encouraged. They enjoy things, seek things out, move positively. They meet together for other reasons besides the socially acceptable ones: shopping and relationships. Unfortunately, as a whole, this group of people--they all suck.
There's mister crazy ex-marine who played one too many late night D&D sessions and now thinks he was a wayward angel mercenary in a past life. There's his girlfriend who believes him, and also believes that she can get remotely injured when one of her friends gets injured, Brothers Karamasov style. There's the fanatic wacko guy, who spends hours literally reciting websites loudly. There's the video game freak, who starts telling people to shut up when they start talking about anything serious at all. There's the self-proclaimed autistic person who's NOT autistic, but spends a lot of time knitting and crocheting, smiles a lot and laughs responsively, but doesn't really let the protective shell down ever. There's the Confused Christian, whose church teaches that the doctrine is the literal truth and that God is on their side, but also kind of likes sex and self expression and independant thought, so is very confused all the time, despite continuing to cling to extortionist beliefs. There's an honest to gosh nihilist who never wants to do anything ever, and complains about it bitterly sometime; he has literally zero motivation, and doesn't want to want anything.
I mean these are not successful people. These people are probably not even safe to be around, although I've never had any problem, not even with mister shells, chalice, microwaves are profane, I'm alternative monk. He likes to hit on girls (besides myself) and always tries to change the subject when we try to tell him that some of these girls are reporting his creepy (but harmless) smiles and nods to the campus police. Why am I hanging out with losers like this, you ask? I mean, besides finding common loserness qualities in myself?
Because they are the only people who will talk to me.
I mean, it's not that I am unable to present myself in a social environment, but for instance now at these computers there's someone working on their English essay, someone chatting on IM, someone blogging, someone playing a web based game, but we're all completely isolated from each other. If I tried to ask into what anyone around me was doing, the normal reaction is the retort of "why?" I'm really passive, but I do try occasionally to overcome that and join the group so to speak, but there's nobody anywhere in the school who's in a group where it would be okay to just join in. Most people are alone, and the few study groups--they are not talking with each other! I see literally 3 groups of people behind me, together at a table sharing books and notes, but not speaking with each other at all. What are they, telepathic?
Gods, I wish I could just go up and join one of those groups, but something keeps stopping me from doing so. Some inhibition I just can't seem to get over, and that leaves only one group of people to interact with: the losers. They're easy to approach, easy to talk with, easy to listen to, but none of them have jobs, none of them care about school, and none of them are successful in society.
Sorry to be so mopey about this. I just got in a disagreement with one such "loser" and I aced my math test, but failed the homework so I get a C+. I'm trying to figure out how people form these two-person study groups and how they communicate. I'm also trying to figure out how to find someone who can offer me employement for mutual gain, and frankly the current people I can find just aren't cutting it.
Here's an ethical dilemma. If you put zero references on a job application, you will not get hired. You ask your friend for a reference and he starts talking down to you, giving this whole speech about how he has no authority to say whether you are capable for that job or not, so listing him as a reference would be lying. Furthermore, it would result in a slippery slope so that years later I'm in a horrible bureaucratic job based entirely on lies and false references. He has a point, in that he can't say whether I could work at a health food store, but on the other hand in being honest and steadfast in his honesty, he's helping perpetuate a system that crushes honest people and prevents them from say, getting a job.
All my references are at least 3 years old; it's so sad I just can't find anyone who'll help me with that sort of stuff. Most of the people I know I'd be ashamed to list as a job reference. I guess they're like social junk food. But the healthy society is locked behind the counter and I don't have a key. There are other people I can ask, but it really upsets me that my friend has such an honest (if stupid) argument, and yet in doing so he's causing dishonest people to have an unfair advantage.
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