Ok, I'm afraid to do anything worthwhile because I'm so upset at the inevitable disorder of the universe. People die, and never come back. I thought doing something worthwhile and meaningful would make the constant pain of loss all the more poignant. But it just occurred to me: people who feel naked before the transience of the universe are the ones who never accomplish anything worthwhile and meaningful.
Our accomplishments make us feel better, safer, more secure regardless of whether or not they will eventually be undone. I have lived in fear of commitment and self gratification so long, i must be feeling this black wind more than I ever have before. Yet I am surviving. Perhaps I'm stronger than I think, that if I actually started trying to make permanent accomplishments, I would actually feel better, not more hopeless.
Logically, I should be unable to justify accomplishing anything, but logic has been wrong before. It's so obvious doing things useful would make me feel better, the fact that there's no deductive argument leading toward that fact is of little consequence. The intuitive leap is more of a hop, easily covered and certainly a better alternative than the logical argument leading toward nihilism. Yes, that'll work.
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