My socioacademic life, tabulated by years.
Preschool : Not exactly 'social' as I didn't recognize other people's existence yet. I liked snakes, mice, playground structures, and reading teen mystery novels.
Elementary (K,1-3) : Developed over time into a terrible hellion of a child, whose active mind led me to question everything, and especially authority. Got them to send to principal's office regularly, though I was never violent.
Elementary (4-5) : Finally learned the value of respecting other people, as trying to behave produced much less conflict and much more nice stuff like learning and knowledge. 5th grade, first time I ever actually felt reluctant to leave school for summer break.
Middle (6-8) : A bit lost, and picked on. Left alone for the most part, and happy to stay that way. Too happy. I was the only kid in the entire school who wore pants, not jeans. What can I say? I like khaki. Toward the end of 8th grade I had started to attempt to develop an actual friend base, since being without friends left me at a loss to entertain myself most times. :) Toward the end I also had something of a nervous breakdown, as 8th grade was the first time school expected more of me academically than I could provide, and it was traumatizing to realize that no matter what I did they were going to fail me one way or the other.
High (9-10) : Finally became satisfied socially. Behaved, did well, encouraged others, and found that nifty group of fellow outcasts who hung out right outside the school gates. Made some good friends in activities, although I've lost touch with most of them for no good reason at all. Bullies surprised me by starting to mature, and actually becoming approachable, and even friendly. Avoided school fights like the plague as the rest of the school crowded around closer.
High (11-12) : Was starting to really suffer from abuse at home, also was trying to take college classes at the same time as high school ones, so was very stressed. Pushing my limits, but learned my limits in 8th grade so not letting them heap expecations on, being honest about what I can do.
College (13) : One year. One stinking year at a faceless institution. With a horrible roommate, an unfriendly housing office, and the university admissions themselves having the bright idea to try to reduce their class size by sending me threatening letters trying to get me banned from their school. I had a particularly unlucky experience at UC Berkeley, but at least in testimony I would advise against going to that school. Between that, the hateful rhetoric coming from my abuser at home, and the classes designed not to teach students, but to fail them in order to reduce those allowed to succeed, for any convenient reason whatsoever, I kind of had another nervous breakdown.
I don't run around screaming when that happens. I just kind of stop, look a little confused externally. Internally I'm trying my hardest not to fall down as my brain attempts to do everything at once, short circuiting and ratcheting to a halt as the conflicts and irresolvable problems accumulate to an apogee. It's usually pretty blurry after that, but I don't think I do anything untoward. Nothing that would get me actual help, heaven forbid. Just kind of wander around with a haunted look, trying to piece myself together again, and incidentally getting a D average for that semester. When you stop being able to do homework, that's typically not favorable towards succeeding in school. Staring at the problems, unable to move my pen, shaking with an internal hatred so powerful that it's like to do another Japanese problem is so horrible it would bring the world to a fiery end right then and there. Not pleasant at all.
SO! After that I gave up my abuser's (substantial) financial support, and went to a cheap college. It was about 4 years before I finally recovered from the emotional damage though. Actually it's been more like 6 years now, and I'm not making progress anymore. Those 6 years went thus:
College (14-16) : Studied Biology, Chemistry, Music, Math, Sociology, everything I could get my hands on. Grades started as all As, but towards the end were slipping into B's and C's because I stopped being able to try.
Unemployed (17-18) : I could really use a steady job, not to mention a friend or two, as I'm totally isolated, and don't have a degree, and don't qualify for financial aid, and can't seem to hold a job. It feels as if I'm crumbling apart this time from apathy instead of external pressure, like a ceramic vase glued back together, or a puppy that's been beaten down too much to want to get back up again. I have no friends I can meet in person anymore.
Unemployed (19) : Still no friends in person, though more politically active online. Attempting to find a community, and still attempting to hold a steady job. Have troubles working fast enough, with acting like I care about my place of employment, and with getting to work on time. Afraid that the same thing keeping me from staying employed will also cripple me trying to get back into school, but attempting to do so anyway. Perhaps I can find help at a different college than the one I attended after Berkeley.
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