A Frinkenstein Travesty: Dani Plotter and The Chamber Pot of Stories

Rigour mortis had just moved, the flies bought a condo, and the split levels were setting in. Sulking in his room on 69 Pervert Drive, Dani Plotter was reading through the script for the Special director's cut ultimate extended edition of the previous story (go read it!).

"My god the Terrible Script Association[TSA], will publish any shit these days," Dani lamented in disgust.

"Dani Plotter, what a great dishonour it is to be in this story with you!" a really annoying voice rang out from behind him.

Dani nodded sadly and asked, "Who are you?"

He turned and saw a cute little chipmunk in bondage gear. "I'm Critter the sex slave."

"What are you doing in my bedroom? Uncle Fish and Aunt Xodiac's bedroom is down the hall?"

Critter nodded sadly. "Critter has been sent to kill you... er... give you a message."

"And what's the message?" Dani asked.

"That someone is trying to kill you."

"Oh really?"

"You must not go back to Frinkenstein's School for Writing and Debauchery this year!"

"Seriously, sweet!"

Critter smiled. "Oh, that was easy! Now the fun part." Critter takes out a whip, snaps it at Dani and commands, "On your knees!"

Later that night, as Dani lay snug in his bed with visions of vixens dancing in his head, when all through the house there arose such a clatter, that Dani arose from his bed to see what was the matter. "A fart can after midnight," he cried in dismay, "Some inconsiderate gits interrupting my lay." Away to the window Dani flew like the Flash, where a chain tore open the shutters with a resounding crash. When to Dani's wondering eye should appear a riced out civic with a massive wing on the rear. With a trio of Weasleys so vapid and thick, Dani exclaimed, "Kita, you're the loud git!"

"Come on Dani, let's go to school!," Kita called out!

"But I'll die!"

"You say that every year!"

"But I don't want to be in another Frinkenstein!"

"Well", Kita nodded sadly, "I'm not doing this without you." The three Weasleys hog-tied him with some of Critters' left over gear, and they threw him in the trunk.. They then flew the car over some beautiful New Zealand, er English scenery.

They landed in the middle of nowhere (otherwise known as Devonshire), and finally let the poor griffin out of the trunk.

After removing his ball gag, Dani said with a shake of his feathers "I can't believe you have a riced-out flying Civic."

"Well, look at it this way," Kita explained. "The wing serves a practical purpose."

"Though the hood-scoop is still fake," added his brother Ryx the skunk.

"And let's not get into the spinners!" the other brother, HazardousRoo, pointed out.

They sat down for breakfast though, and met the rest of the Weasley clan one by one. Dani looked at Kita and said, "You were adopted weren't you?"

"Notta Weasley?" Kita asked in confusion.

"So, Dani," the father Channing asked as he slurped up his Big K Grape soda. "Tell me, what is the role of a lemur with a machine gun?"

"Oh you know that one already dear," Feech said to her husband.

And then down the stairs bounded a cute little purple dragon. Dani turned and said to the dragon, "Hi, I'm Dani Plotter." The dragon blushed deeply, turned and ran back up the stairs. Surprised, Dani asked, "What? What did I do?"

"Zilvy's been talking about you all summer," Kita said. "Ever since she saw you in that video on the internet."

"I was young and I needed the money!" Dani bemoaned!

"Oh you were moaning!" chimed in Ryx.

"I suppose we should get this plot moving," Channing announced. "Eventually. First, for no apparent reason, let's go to Demonsyne Alley. Okay, Dani, jump in the fireplace."

"But, Dad, Dani's never FTPed before!" Kita pointed out.

"FTP?" Dani \queried.

"FTP. Flue Transportation Powder," Feech replied. "Here, Kita, you go first so Dani can see how its done."

Kita took a pawful of the FTP client, called out, "\join Demonsyne Alley!" and logged out in a burst of flames.

"Don't worry, dear," Feech said. "Unfortunately, he didn't just turn into a smouldering pile of ash. Now you try. Maybe you'll do better."

Dani nervously took the FTP client, and cried out, "\join Demonside Alley!" and with a flash was gone.

"Did he say what I think he did?" Feech asked.

"Yeah," Channing replied

"Oh bollocks."

Dani founds himself ejected from a very small tight hole (even we're not going there). Brushing his feathers off, he got up and looked around at the dark shop he found himself in. There were many skeletons, books and other oddities on the shelves. His eyes scanned the titles, "Lies" "Innuendo" "Lies and Innuendo" "Lies, Lies, Damn Lies" "Making Enemies and Influencing People" "How To Steal an Election in Ten Easy Steps" "Character Assassination" "Assassination" "How to Make an Ass of a Nation" "The Necronomicon" and "The Collected Works of Frinkenstein"

Dani shuddered at that last one and ran out the store, pausing only to look at the sign over the door: "Karl Rove's Misinformation, Propaganda, and Covert Operations Boutique" It was next to the WalMart. And that's where he ran into Philgrid.

"Philgrid! What are you doing here?"

"Well, I was looking for the Flesh Eating Slugs they had on sale, but I couldn't resist their deal on ammo, buy fifty thousand rounds get a free suitcase nuke. I've got four already! By the way, what are you doing way off track? You have a story to be in."

Dani nodded sadly.

"Dani, Philgrid! What the hell are you doing here?" A familiar voice rang out.

"Trying to get the story back on track, because nobody else, including the writer's is trying to do that," Philgrid announced.

"Well, I'll take over the distraction from here," Joanne replied. She grabbed Dani by the wing and yanked him along. "We have more pointless character introduction to do before getting you back to Frinkenstein eventually."

Together, they made their way into Foxley's where they were greeted by a flock of foaming festering fanboys. "Fuck!" Joanne exclaimed. "What could possibly be going on here!"

"Hated! Horrible! Miserable! I've seen better plots in graveyards! Makes my eyes bleed! A retarded lemur with an Etchasktech could do better! And Has! Here, Ayn Rand!" echoed a voice in the shop.

"Dani!" Kita called out, waving Joanne and him over. "There you are. You weren't truly incinerated into a lump of ash. Dad owes me five bucks."

"What's going on?" Joanne asked the Weasleys.

"It's Keith Morrison. He's holding a critiquing session."

And then Keith recognized Dani Plotter by his scar (no, the other one). "Dani Plotter! Little did Dani know that when he stepped into Foxley's today, that he would be leaving with my entire collected works, both of them, free of charge!"

"Yeah, nobody would pay for them anyways," Kita muttered.

Feech sent them back outside where they were accosted by Triko Mattrat. "Well, well, well. Well. Well, what do you know. Well, if it isn't Dani Plotter. Trying to use Frinkenstein to steal the spotlight from my Metamor Keep stories again, yet again."

"Now Triko, go play dirty," a voice oozed. Dani was suddenly face to belly with sinuous seductively slythering tail and large thick pointy horns. "Luscious MattRat."

"No, my name is Dani Plotter."

"No, I'm Luscious MattRat. Let me see your scar, for it is legend." Dani pulled back his feathers. "No, the other one."

"Dani put your pants back on!" shouted Joanne as Zilvy giggled insanely and blushed.

Luscious scanned the rest of them and grimaced. "Let me see."

"You should probably open your eyes then." Triko suggested.

Ignoring him, Luscious went on, "Vacant expressions, twitchy tails, completely armoured, you must be the Weasleys." He took Zilvy's laptop. "What is this piece of crap? It's a 486 running Windows ME! It's not even an HP!" He threw it and a little extra back in disgust. "Well, I've been sufficiently introduced as a creepy villain for this piece, so I'll leave you be."(and never show up again - oops).

Deciding to get the story back on track, they went to the train station. Before them, the entire Weasley family disappeared into the brick wall. Dani and Kita raced forward to find their port blocked most painfully. "What's wrong?" Dani \queried.

"I don't know, let's \join again," Kita suggested.

And they did. Again, yet again. "Maybe third times the charm."

"Yes. Three is the number that we shall try. Four is one too many. Five is right out!"

And it still didn't work on the third try."Holy Hand Grenades of Antioch!" exclaimed Dani (in case people totally missed the joke). "What should we do?"

"Well, we could just steal the car." Thinking this was a great idea, they did so. Only to crash it into a Grell after flying through lots and lots of beautiful New Zealand, er British scenery. "My wand! Look at my wand!"

Dani would have, but Grell, still lamenting the loss of #treeporn forest, began to hit on them. Eventually, the car decided that he was out of here! He ejected Dani and Kita before fleeing the scene to go live in the wild.

"Thank god we made it to Frinkensteins!" Dani cried out in relief. "Man, I never thought I'd say that!"

The next day, Dani, Kita and Joanne were sitting in their new class, Defence Against Good Taste. Suddenly, in trotted Keith Morrison. "Hello class, since Genie went to pieces last year, I will be your new instructor. You may now begin worshipping my greatness. Maybe one day one of you will write something that will be worth my time to criticize." Triko MattRat sneered.

"For today, we will pick an easy target: Star Trek FanFics! Including the one where Worf mates with the Warp Core."

"Star Trek FanFics," JonBuck jeered.

"Freshly written Star Trek FanFics," Morrison replied. "Let's see what you make of them!"

Joanne quickly jumped up, and in honour of the late Great James Doohan, declared, "Ya canna change the laws of Physics!" She pointed her PDA at the FanFics, and they all vanished in a puff of logic, in a nod to the late Great Douglas Adams.

"Oh," Keith said, "I hadn't thought of that. I must go brood now."

"That's my job," brooded Jessie poking his snout in. "Union rules."

Later that evening, Dani was wandering the halls desperately seeking a way to escape Frinkenstein when he heard a +v. "I smell ping! Let me lag you!" Dani tried to follow the voice, but quickly ran into Joanne and Kita.

"Did you hear that?" He was trembling, and each of his feathers fluttered with his increasing agitation. Joanne and Kita both sensed his terrible worry, and felt their blood go chill with utter and stygian fright. There crept upon them like a giant creeping mass, a massive sensation of dreadful dread.

And then they noticed the graffiti on the wall. "The Chamber Pot of Stories has been opened. You're all fucked."

"It's written in ketchup," Joanne said. "Fake ketchup."

"How do you fake ketchup?" Kita asked.

"You use blood," Joanne replied.

"Look, Ramen!" Dani shouted.

"But I just ate," Kita complained.

But there, unable to mrow, was the frozen form of Ramen, Feech's cat (no, the other Feech). Conveniently, the entire school showed up. Thomas looked at Ramen and nodded his head sadly. "He has been disconnected. But how I cannot say, for that would be giving away the plot."

Jessie brooded and the plot thickened. It was congealing nicely. Hopefully in a few pages, it'll make a nice jam... for our characters.

The next day in their pointless transformation seminar, Chloe was teaching them how to turn cars into horses. They'd already turned a Ferrari into a Mustang. "Now you, Kita. One Two Three, Zoom zoom zoom!"

Kita waved his bent rod over the Pinto and it exploded in a ball of flames. "Damnit, it always does that!"

But then Joanne raised her paw. "Chloe, could you engage in plot exposition and tell us what the Chamber Pot of Stories is?"

"Very well, after four pages, we should finally get this story going. As you all know Frinkensteins was founded in 1998 by the nineteen most atrocious writers of its time. But they don't matter. Let's talk instead about the founders of the Vulpendor and Metamoron houses, since Hack-n-Cough and Declawed don't matter. Well actually, they don't matter either. Lets talk instead about Test Long Name. He wanted to keep absolute iron-handed Stalinistic control over what gets written here at Frinkenstein. Unable to convince the others, he left the school, but he left his Chamber Pot here by mistake. Within it, there are stories so grotesque, that they had to be locked away for all time. Until the heir, the one who could write such complete and utter crap, would return to Frinkenstein and release the chamber pot contents over the school. Oh, and the monster."

After class, Joanne ran up to Kita and Dani with a laptop. "Here it is, the Gratuitous Transformation Potion."

"So?" Dani asked.

"So with this you two will be able to disguise yourself as JL and Kit, sneak into #Metamoron, and find out what Triko knows!"

"About what?" Kita asked.

"About the monster, weren't you paying attention in class?"

"Why do you think he knows anything about it?"

"Because he's obviously evil, he must be behind it."

"Good point. So how long will it take to make the potion?" Kita asked.

"At least two pages."

"Ah damn!"

To kill some time, a lot of time, they decided to hold the Mao Tournament. Dani was quite perplexed though, because he seemed to be holding some strange cards. Like the Ace of Spades, and The Queen of Swords, and the Joker with the trademark on it, the Death card, the really silly but we don't know it's purpose card, and a Two of Diamonds. I mean, what would you do with a Two of Diamonds?

So Dani played it, and Triko triumphantly called out, "Failure to Call. Failure to Proceed. Failure to Get Down and dirty. Failure to Accept Penalty Cards. Failure to Die. Failure to Enact Motion. Illegal Killing. Failure to Sit on Your Tail. Appearing in the Story. Oh, and just plain Failure."

And the game continued as its usual brutal self. Later in the infirmary, Joanne and Kita looked down on poor Dani in confusion. "Just how do you break your arm playing cards?" Kita asked.

"Talent obviously," Joanne replied. They then left him to sleep it off. For much recovery time is needed after playing Mao.

But Dani could not sleep, for the voices sounded once again! "Lag! Lag! 0wn3d!" He looked all about, trying to find where they might come from, and saw at the foot of his bed... Critter.

Dani screamed like a little school girl. "Critter!"

"Dani Plotter should have listened to Critter when I told you not to go to Frinkenstein's! No one ever listens to Critter. You should have gone back home when you missed the train."

"It was you! You blocked our ports!"

"Well, well, yes. You should have gone home when the deck of cards attacked you."

"Wait, you did that too! You better get out of here before I beat you senseless!"

"Critter has no sense. Besides, I get death threats five times a day." At Dani's questioning look he added. "I'm a moderator on a political forum."

"So why are you trying to kill me?"

"No kill you, sir! Well, not totally kill you. Just mostly kill you. Anyways listen! Terrible things are about to happen at Frinkensteins. Agian, yet again."

"Well we are having another story."

"Besides that!" Critter cried. "Now that history is about to repeat itself."

"I know, Frinkensteins have been written before."

"No, not that! I mean the chamber pot! Oh I should not have said that." And Critter vanished in a sensuous wisp of black smoke.

Dani turned as Thomas and Chloe arrived with a minor character. "You know," Chloe said, "I think he's pinged out. What can this mean, Thomas?"

"It means that we are in great danger. Just like the readers five pages ago. It is as we feared, Chloe. The chamber pot has overflowed, again, yet again."

Dani couldn't believe his ears. As soon as he could get out of the infirmary, he ran to the girl's bathroom. This time he did it to meet Joanne and Kita. They were in the middle of cooking up a horrible, nauseous concoction, and the Gratuitous Transformation Potion. "So why are we brewing this in broad daylight in the middle of the girl's lavatory. Don't you'll think we'll get caught?"

"No, nobody comes in here because of Moaning MagVix."

"Who's Moaning MagVix?"

"I'm Moaning MagVix! But I don't expect you to have a fucking clue. You don't have a clue about anything else in this story. Who would ever know about malicious, maligned, malfunctioning, magnificent, malodorous, melancholy, Moldavian, misanthropic, misinformed, mellifluous, myopic, misinterpreted, missing Moaning MagVix!" And then she flushed herself down the toilet.

Joanne smiled. "She's a little psychotic."

"That seems par for the course around here," Dani concluded.

"Thomas has granted me permission to start a flame war with Jessie," Keith announced to the throng of students. He turned to Jessie. "Choose your weapon, politics or religion?"


"Hah, well then Canada is not the 51st state."

Jessie brooded. "Of course not. It's the 52nd. Puerto Rico is the 51st you twit. Roe v. Wade should be overturned."

"What does crossing a river have to do with politics?" Keith asked, and promptly went down in flames.

Jessie turned around. "Can we please have some one up here who has a clue?"

"Good idea!" Keith replied. "Let's get a volunteer sacrificial lamb. Dani Plotter, how about you?"

Jessie selected Triko MattRat as well, and soon the two stared at each other with fear and loathing in Las Vegas. After the initial volleys, Triko called forth a flooding script! Everyone was horrified, and gasped, and wailed, and gnashed teeth, and other things. But Dani was not worried. He knew how to talk to scripts. He could speak Python!

@Jessie pulled rank and banished the script from the channel. "Almost as bad as a bot," he brooded.

Dani, Kita and Joanne fled the channel to the safety of #Vulpendor. "You're a programmer!" Kita exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"My job was outsourced to India. I was a little upset about that."

"This is bad, Dani. Very bad."

"You're telling me, I lost my job!"

"No, not that. You see Test Long Name was also a Python programmer. He was a l337 hax0r. Now everyone's going to think that you're his illegitimate love child."

"Well, at least now that the Gratuitous Transformation Potion is done, we can find out what Triko knows."

"If anything," Dani lamented.

Joanne nodded. "You just need a bit of who you are going to change into. Here are some porno mags. This will keep JL and Kit distracted long enough for the plan to work."

And it did. While JL and Kit were occupied, Kita and Dani took some fur and ran back to the girl's lavatory. "Now we have exactly half a page before the potion wears off," Joanne told them. "Put the fur in the potion and drink."

They each did so, dropping the fur in the foul bubbling concoction and swallowing. "GAG! Tastes like that new Coke, C2!" Kita exclaimed as he ran into one of the stalls. Joanne ran after him (not into the same stall you dirty minded readers! Boy!) Dani stayed and stared at his face in the mirror, hoping that he would get to see in excruciating detail every facet of his transformation. And then poof, it was done. He looked like Kit.

Kita came out, and looked like JL. "Wow, this is really effective. I'm suddenly strangely attracted to you." But as they only had half a page, they quickly made their way to #Metamoron and confronted Triko MattRat.

"About time you two showed up. I must give you your daily dosage of Metamor Keep. Now chapter 50 of story 329 begins with..."

After ten hours of this, but only one page-line so it only slighted counted, the chapter was over. Kita was awed, "Wow, I didn't know you could cram that many adjectives into one single sentence."

"And what is a moue anyway?" Dani asked.

"You two are acting very odd. I told you yesterday. 'Moue' was one of the words that escaped last time the chamber pot was opened. Along with the script to Battlefield Earth."

"So do you know who opened it last time?" Kita asked hoping to extract something useful from Triko MattRat.

"No, that only the last time it happened, a TSAer permanently unsubscribed."

"Hey," Dani said, knowing that their half page was almost up, "what's that behind the curtain. Is it a tail?"

"Ooooh, tail!" Triko jumped in delight.

"Dani, your scar is beginning to show. No the other one." They then fled back to the girl's bathroom where they felt most comfortable.

"Whatever happened to Joanne?" Dani asked.

"I'm in here!" Joanne called.

"Oh, it's awful," Moaning MagVix mentioned as she mopishly moaned maniacally.

"Joanne," Dani asked, "what exactly happened here?"

"Remember what I said about gratuitous transformations? Well, it doesn't work so well with TGs." Before them was a pathetic squirrel. "I have nuts!"

"Aren't squirrels supposed to have nuts?" Kita asked.

"Think about that one for a minute!" Joanne cried!

"Ohhhhh!" Both Dani and Kita said in unison.

Since it was going to be a while before Joanne got out of the infirmary, Dani decided to make use of the mysterious Windows CE device that he found in the Special director's cut ultimate extended edition of this story. He turned it on and typed, "Hello world. My name is Dani Plotter."

The screen went blank and then words came into focus. "Hello Dani. My name is Brian Eirik Coe."

"Do you know anything about the Chamber Pot of Stories?"


"Can you tell me?"


"Why not?"

"Because I'm a dick."

"You're a little bastard."


Frustrated, Dani went down to the Mao field for the day's tournament but was intercepted by Professor Chloe. "This Mao tournament has been cancelled."

"They can't cancel Mao. It's well, Mao!"

"Yes, I know, MattRat is distressed and Jessie is brooding. Come, we are going to find Kita Weasley and then you will both come with me."

"Aren't we kind of young for that?" Dani asked. But they still came anyway... to the infirmary. Before them lay the disconnected grey-fox form of Joanne.

"Do any of you have any idea how this happened?" Chloe asked.

"Kernel panic?" hazarded Dani.

Chloe nodded sadly.

They were then \invited back to #Vulpendor where Chloe was making a \notice. "From now on, all writers shall obey these new rules. You shall only write TBP, MK, or SRU. All writers shall have an editor. There will be no exceptions. Did you here that one Mr. Fahl? All writers shall use British English because it is the proper way. I should tell you, that unless someone finds a way to end this story, the school will be closed. I should tell you, but I won't."

Unsatisfied, Dani and Kita went to visit Joanne again, and discovered that she had a bit of paper clutched in her paw. "Wow, hard copy, that's unlike Joanne!" Kita said in surprise.

"Look at this. It's an ancient IRC manual. Of all the scripts that roam undernet, none is more feared than Peer. A single glance will cause disconnection. The monster in the Chamber Pot of Stories is a Peer. That's why I can hear it. It's a script written in Python!"

Dani continued, "Remember how Spidaur revealed to us that some vixen was disconnected midyiff fifty years ago?"

"When did that happen?"

"It was in the special director's cut ultimate extended edition."

"Oh yeah." They both nodded sadly.

"I bet that's Moaning MagVix!"

And then suddenly a voice was wrung out. "All unimportant characters get back to your dormitories. All important ones, a new message has been \posted on #TSA_Ops."

Dani and Kita naturally \joined #TSA_Ops, and saw that a new message had been written on the wall in thick mayonnaise. "It's not real mayonnaise," Chloe commented looking at the message.

"How do they make fake mayonnaise," Jessie brooded. "On second thought I don't want to know."

Keith came up then. "Look at the spelling in this thing, it's atrocious!"

"Well, Morrison, it looks like your moment has come."

"My moment?"

"Weren't you /msging just last night boasting that because the plot is so predictable that you've known all along where the Chamber Pot of Stories is?"

"Well then, Keith, we'll ditch you with the monster and let you rescue Zilvy. She was \abducted to the Chamber Pot of Stories."

"In that case I'll go to my office so I can pack, er prepare," Keith announced, and did just that.

Dani and Kita ran after Keith. "Morrison may be a pointless moron, but at least the one things he can do is destroy stories." And when they came into his office they caught a queer sight. They let that go and looked at Keith instead. "\parting somewhere, Professor?"

"Oh yes, urgent book burning. Latest edition of D&D out. Have to go." Keith replied.

"But you're the Defence Against Good Taste teacher!" Kita shouted.

"Do you really think I know anything about good taste?"

Dani nodded sadly. "You're a hack! Is there anything you can do?"

"Now that you mention yes. I'm rather good at destroying other people's stories. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to destroy this one."

"No!" Kita exclaimed. "We still have to rescue my sister!"

Their rods poking Keith, they led him down to the girls lavatory. "Moaning MagVix, how did you disconnect?"

"I was making whopee in this stall right over here when I was shocked to hear a boy's voice. I turned around to ask him to \join us, when suddenly, I lost connection. He was coding in a strange language right by that sink."

"Dani, say something in Python!" Kita suggested.

"Chamber Pot of Stories.open();" Dani declared. Suddenly the sink went to pieces revealing a big hole in the ground.

"It's a Chamber Pot," Kita said. "Why didn't anybody ever think to look for it in a bathroom?"

"You expect logic in a Frinkenstein?" Keith critiqued. "Obviously you don't need me."

"No, we don't but we like pushing you around anyway," said Kita, who then gave Keith a shove into the drain.

Keith cried out as he fell into the black necrophagus pit. "It's quite filthy down here. Reminds me of #Tsa_Backroom."

Excited by the prospect, Kita and Dani jumped down after him. Kita was more successful in this, as he landed right on top of Keith. The impact knocked them both out cold. There was much rejoicing. Yay. Except for Dani who realized he would have to finish the monster off himself again, yet again. "Damnit!"

Undaunted, he dauntlessly continued on into the chamber pot. It was very sticky, much like #Tsa_Backroom. But ahead of him, he saw prone on the floor the frail form of Zilvy Weasley! Dani ran forward to her side where he saw another figure standing close by. "Brian Coe! What are you doing here?"

"Leeching out Zilvy's bandwith of course." Brian reached down and took Dani's rod. "And providing necessary exposition."

"Get your paw off my rod, Brian." Dani said, growing alarmed.

"Brian's not here, man. Don't you get it, I was the one who was controlling Zilvy. Not that it was terribly difficult. It was I opened the Chamber Pot of Stories, and it was I who invoked the Peer! You see, if you rearrange the letters in my name, subtract a few and add some more, you'll get Bryan Derksen! Just like the DaVinci Code."

Dani gasped! "And now that I have you here," Brian Coe continued, "your certain death is now... certain!" Dani ran, even as Coe \invoked Peer. "Tis the deadly vengeance, of deadly... revenge!"

Covering his eyes with one paw, Dani took out the sword that he'd gotten in the special director's cut ultimate extended edition, screamed like a little girl and went Stabbitry stabitty Stabitty, Stab Stab! And the Peer was slain!

"Well that was anti-climactic," commented Derksen.

"If you think that's anti-climactic, watch this," Dani said. He picked up the windows CE device, turned it over, and popped out the batteries.

"Oh damn. Didn't think of that either," Brian Coe grumbled, even as he vanished into nothing.

Zilvy reconnected and woke up. "I had the most wonderful dream. You were there. And Critter was there. And Critter was doing strange things to you with his whip."

Dani nodded sadly.

It was only one paragraph later that both Kita and Dani were called up to Headmaster Thomas's office.

"You do realize," Thomas declared, "in the last ten pages, you have broken 417 writing conventions, and violated good taste innumerable times. Therefore it is only fitting that you both are forced to appear in the sequel."

"Noooooo! Expel us! Expel us!"

"See you again next year!"

Those who shall be blamed:
MattRat: Typist agian, yet again
JLehrer: Moldavian l337 speak translator and consumer of Jelly Beans
Kitsune: The other member of the trio whose laptop had finally succumed to the evil and was not used for once.
Kim: Who shall not be blamed, for she had to listen to the beta-read and that's punishment enough.
Sue: We can still blame her for the costumes
J.K. Rowling: Who is currently in negotiation with Lucas to make these into movies to make yet more money.
Piers Anthony: For the idea of not including Piers Anthony
Special Director's Cut Ultimate Extended Edition of this story: Allowing us to cut a lot of unnecessary crap from this.

Dani Plotter Harry
Kita Weasele Ron
Joanne Viqsi Hermione
Thomas Dumbledore
Chloe Professor Minerva McGonagall
Philgrid Rubeus Hagrid
Feech Filch
Ramen Filch's Cat
Triko MattRat Draco Malfoy
JL Vincent Crabbe (Draco's cronie)
DK Gregory Goyle (Draco's cronie)
Jessie Professor Snape (teacher of flames)
Derksen Lord Voldemort
Xodiac Aunt Petunia Evans Dursley
Fish Uncle Vernon Dursley
SRFoxley Olivander
Critter Dobby
Channing Mr. Weasley
Feech Mrs. Weasley
Ryx Fred Weasley
Hazard George Weasley
Zilvara Ginny Weasley
(Lucious) Mattrat Lucius Malfoy
Keith Morrison Gilderoy Lockhart
Magvix 'Moaning' Myrtle
#TSA_Backroom The Gutter
PDA The Diary
Brian Eric Coe Tom Marvolo Riddle
Spidaur Aragog
Grell The Womping Willow
Peer Basilisk
Vulpendor Gryphendor
Hackncough Hufflepuff
Metamoron Slytheren
Declawed - Ravenclaw

Dani Potter features yet to come:
3) Prisoner of Askaban Prisoner of Ass-Kabam
4) Goblet of Fire The 64oz Mug of Big K
5) Order of the Pheonix Order of Pheonix with a Side of Fries
6) Half Blood Prince Half Baked Story


Last Updated: Mon Jul 25 2005 08:06:15