I am so lucky to have this little blog of mine. Livejournal doesn't let you post via email without paying, and well, I just love being an independant entity. I've been going to school for the first time these past two days in two years, and hm... I think my mental cycle might be turning back toward the journal again. It's hard to keep a daily journal when the same thing happens to you every day. You start existing less without feedback, and there's just less justification to do anything.
I won't post long. I'd like to talk about what I've finally realized about my owner: a frightening amount of hatred, but I need to percolate it a bit in the ole leaky sieve. I've been looking for a job, not finding one par usual. I'm tired of people who are looking for only one kind of person, one neurotype to quote a fancy word. Self starters, forward thinkers, on the ball, professional, all 4 being buzzphrases for "will work for free" these days. And that's... good to put in another journal too.
Sigh... with one single class, and suddenly I have just about 2 hours of time to myself every day. I guess the first is the worst, and the second class can be added in more efficiently. At any rate I resolve not to worry too much about it, taking time to breathe when I need, and going forward slowly but surely. I won't let people judge me as a failure because of that strategy. Anything more for me has shown to be mental suicide.
To end on a somewhat sad note, I finished the very first assignment well ahead of time. I told my friend online that I just had to print it and get to class. Then I emailed it to the teacher, and then everything's a blur but as I got to class I realized that I had totally forgotten to print it out. So I didn't get to turn in my very first assignment at all, though if I'm lucky she'll accept the email copy. I made a point to ask her about that after class. So after class I organized my notes, gathered up my stuff, and paused at the door thinking back to if there was anything, anything at all that I had to remember. Nothing. Hours later, that evening, I remembered that I'd forgotten to tell her about forgetting, when she expressly forbid that we "just blow off" any assignment, without telling her why.
I'll try not to do that again... I'd be sadder if it wasn't such a regular occurrence when I'm trying to be responsible.