x____x I think my brain is spilling out. I am sooo dead; tomorrow we have to give some stupid "personal experience" speech and I just caan't get ready. I've never had this much trouble with a speech before, just try to say it and I can't even form sentences. There are these pauses where my mind is just stopped for seconds and seconds, 10 seconds without so much as even a thought that something might be wrong, or what to do next. And then I start again, but I'm so halting and ... and slow and... just.. I am sooo dead. How does she expect us to get a speech prepared in just one day? I should have never taken this summer class. I'm going to get up there on stage, and I'm going to slide in and out of catatonia, and I just hate it because I don't know how to stop and get ready!
I know what you're thinking, "I'll e-mail Starling and tell her that it's okay if she is afraid of giving a speech to an audience. Being afraid is normal and healthy. She can face her fear and it will work out once she's out on the podium." If only it were the case. The most I feel for my audience is to pity their situation having to put up with abominable me trying to say something; such a disservice to them if I keep blue screening like that. But scared? No, I'd as soon be naked in front of them and could care less. What is killing me is this stupid speech; I try to say it, even to just the air, and everything just grinds to a halt in my head. I wish I could do something, but I think if I try to rehearse this speech one more time my brains will leak out my ears. And I only have 14 hours left before it is duue...
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