Agh... I have laundry to do and dishes to wash and then I get to go to a school that only has Microsoft machines, and I have to take a speech class and give a speech that I can't even say without chocking, alone to a wall, much less in front of other people. And the stupid summer class, the next speech is due soon and I haven't even started, and I won't get lucky like with this speech and I'll only have one afternoon to compose, outline, practice, re-outline, cross-check, re-outline, practice, cue card and practice my speech, and I'll get halfway through outlining and it'll be due, I'll be standing there and just scream at the tearcher [i]I can't work miracles, give me more time!!![/i] and then walk down from the podium, and drop the class. Gods my life sucks...
*points above* I wish I could say it got better after that morning. I was dead tired at midnight. midnight! I had a chance to get 5 1/2 hours of sleep! If only I had gone. *sobs* now it's 2:48am and I can't take it... just can't... wish I never would wake up at all. And I'm not ready for tomorrow and I just want to fail so bad... why can't I like myself, why?? or at least how. It hurts even worse to like myself, than to drift along not really caring in a world that doesn't care right back. Is it a mirror of my expression, the uncaring reality? But if so, why don't I get serendipity when I put on a positive attitude? Nothing seems to matter, and when I lose that unmaintainable cheerfulness, I just get sucked down, trapped like an animal; there's no way out, just sit here waiting to die... can't get any better...
All I want is some sleep. Why did I force myself to stay awake?
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