How I Sleep

Journal started Oct 2, 2005

I sleep a lot. I have to sleep a lot. It always bugs me when people say, "Stop complaining! I only get 3 hours of sleep, and I'm grateful!" Different people need different sleep, I can only conclude, because after two days with less than seven, my mind starts to unravel badly. And that's when I'm not in shape! Staying in shape, my body ended up needing something like 9 hours of sleep, and I mean sleep. Usually I do best with 8, and can barrrely tolerate 7. 6 is a death sentence though, I will kill to get some sleep after a week of 6 hours.

So, now that you know my sleeping needs, it's 1:41am right now. I have to get up at 5:15am. Do the math.

As a consequence, I'm going to be sleeping at school tomorrow. I know this is true; there's nothing I can do about it. So the question is why are you writing this when you should be sleeping you two bit trash whore?--SILENCE. The question is how am I going to sleep? Thankfully, this has been a problem since I was in high school, so I have a lot of experience. I can sleep most anywhere.

I have slept:

On grass
In cafeteria chairs
On benches
Sitting up in class
at the library
on a couch
on a moving train
on a moving bus
in a moving compact car
in broad daylight
sitting on stone steps
standing up...barely.

I believe that will give me a sufficient advantage toward getting enough sleep. Trouble is, it ruins my entire day when I stay up too late, and just end up spending my entire productive life not well rested. I mean, I was just roleplaying with two people at once, why shouldn't I cut it off at a reasonable hour?

I don't know, I just don't know. I lost the ability to do anything on a consistent basis, and my life's gone all to Hell for it. I'm sure it relates to my spiritual crisis about the inevitability of universal disorder, but there's nothing I can do about that (yet). There should be a way for me to get functional, to be able to tell, no not tell. To be able to feel inside my soul which activity is more important. I currently can't even feel like writing this cry for help, among all my other cries for help, is worth less than doing my History project, which I haven't even started yet.

So here I am. Wish I wasn't. Being is so hard in this rotten world...

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