I missed going out today. I had intended to do some shopping for a baby shower gift for my mom to give to her coworker, probably something suitably twisted as many of you know my opinion about new babies, while completely kosher as a gift. Then I was going to apply at Ross like my sister keeps telling me to do. She works there on weekends, and I didn't know they let her work on weekends because that's what I would absolutely have to do.
I missed going out today, which makes me wonder how in the holy hoobalah am I going to avoid getting fired from Ross, even if I do get fed! I mean--I didn't stay home because I wanted to, or because I feel pleasured to be cooped up in the house all day. Having a job, having people depending on me, having a schedule, a deadline, working hours, all that wouldn't help! Or at least it hasn't helped in the past. I just lose track of time, and it's nothing personal to anyone, and that's a problem because I can't figure out what to do differently when employed, to stop it from happening again.
To make a long story short, I expect to work at Ross for 3 or 4 weekends at best, before I totally forget to show up one day, just losing track of time as I did today. And maybe I'll show up 15 minutes, or 2 hours late, but even then my fate is sealed. Nobody will allow me to work if I can't show up exactly on time or earlier.
I mean, I'm going to apply to Ross anyways, but I don't know how to keep from fading in and out like this. I'm seriously not 'all there'. Even though people say it's just because I'm not bound to a schedule, and I'm just being lazy, not going out because I'm comfortable, I say that's not the problem. Something else is going on, and I'm struggling to figure out how to come to terms with and overcome it. I really want to be worth something.
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