I spend a lot of time on the computer. It's sad really, because I'm not spending all this time doing computer things. Sometimes I'm looking at furry pictures, but that's only because the Internet has orders of magnitude more furry pictures than anything offline. I'd fill my room from floor to ceiling with all the art I look through, and even if only a tenth of it were worth keeping, it's still something that must be done on the computer.
Of course there's programming and junk. I seem to be trying to get some kind of computery qualification so I can actually get paid wages one day. That does need the computer. Also my blog, to send it to all two of you wonderful readers it takes my computer, since I'd never be able to afford printing and postage otherwise.
And finally... community. Have you ever walked down the street and seen a group of a dozen people talking about a subject you were very interested in? And you listened in to their conversation without seeming intrusive, and finally offered your own contribution to the subject, and soon you were all ready to go have a beer together at the local pub? ...didn't think so. In fact, it's rare to see anyone on the streets, and those you do see are not stopping or talking. They are moving on, passing by. The interaction in real life is so limited, and when you do find people communing together, they're doing it as part of the town gardening club, or planning their 6th niece's baby shower, or talking about the latest sports game they heard over the radio, or speaking in an unknown foreign language.
Have you ever opened up the yellow pages, looking for some place to find support or just something to do with other people? Have you ever looked at 6 months worth of classified ads, finding not a single job worth taking? That is community in the real world. It's horrible, limited, crippled and strange. I don't see how anyone forms communities at all, without the help of computers.
It lends to a problem even there though. We can find each other now. We can identify those who make our soul sing, people we share common interests with. Except they live across the ocean, or over the mountains, or beyond the horizon. The problem with virtual communities is it's so hard, especially for one so unemployed as myself, to reach my friends. I can't buy a plane ticket or a bus ticket. I can't get in my nonexistent car and drive with my nonexistent license to somebody's house in Pennsylvania. I mean... it's so frustrating! I want to help out, and to be with people who aren't scary, insane, shallow or jerks.
Reality isn't a matter of simply avoiding those people. They literally DoS my community, and the few friends I do have end up seeming impossibly distant. I'm limited to bicycling distance for goomba's sake! That's about 5 miles for me, though I hear other people who are not of the inferior race find it child's play to ride 15 miles a day. Translating the computer to reality is about as much fun as translating a Google search into reading 6 months of classified ads. It just doesn't work.
So here I sit on the computer again. Just because I don't have any other recourse. Counselors in "real life" smile and say they're afraid no employment opportunities came up this week, or that you need to make your resume a Word document since it looks different than the accepted template, or that you just need to stay in school for 3 more years without any job whatsoever, and you'll finally have a degree that could get you a job. As if I can afford to wait 3 years. We're making freaking car payments now... gods... and if something ever were to happen to my owner, I'd be literally on the streets. I want to finish school really I do, even if it means putting up with jerks for teachers and boring classmates, and boring jobs and a life spent helping the Corporates tighten their rule over our freedoms... maybe I don't, but I just don't see any other way to survive.
How do I find people to live with? How do I find a way to pay rent, provide my share of the cost of living? How do I live sustainably, and not waste energy all over the place? How do I move out of this death trap of a bedroom community, and find some vibrant city with clean air to breathe? All this stuff just seems so out of reach, and it's such simple needs. I just wish... just wish I could be with someone right now. Just to feel together and needed, and offer mutual shelter against the hail of arrows coming from the rest of this banal, soulless sick society. At least I can hug my bunny plushie. :(
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