Hi, rabid Feminist mode here. I just wanted to say something about the problems that plague girls these days in the realm of sexuality. Many people have asserted that girls have less sex than guys (NOT true) because girls are under more risk if they become sexual. The thought is that we fear being slutty or construed as immoral for opening up to someone. I say it couldn't be more ridiculous. What's so immoral about girls having sex? You think guys aren't disrespected when they're loose with their sex? Guys can brag about their conquests, but everyone talks behind their back about how out of control they are. It's the same with guys, girls, whatever. Our culture fears people who have sex.
So another argument is that women are fear of brutalization. And the fear isn't unreasonable. You can talk about flexibility or endurance, but when it all comes down to it girls are wimps by and large. Guys have this little thing called testosterone flooding their blood that has been proven to stimulate muscle growth, bone density. We're not exactly weasels, but guys are physically larger and stronger than women. But I don't think this is the biggest problem facing women and sex, even in our own heads. First off if you're being approached in the bathroom by a diseased member of the opposite sex with intent to commit sexual acts, it's not going to matter whether you're a girl or a guy, that's just wrong! Same goes for unwanted advances from relatives, coworkers, you name it.
Secondly, what's wrong with getting wrestled down and mated into the ground like the aformentioned weasels for the next 2 hours? It's wrong to say that women don't like being overpowered, because to a degree the female body is designed to be overpowered, to be moved and used. There's nothing wrong with being used, it's when people misuse their tools that it becomes a problem. Why do you think you can put your feet by your ears? Why else would you lose your senses and coordination approaching an orgasm? Nature is a crafty bitch, and she seems to have designed it at least if I observe correctly, for human men to be driven forward, itchy and compulsive toward initiating sex, and human women are supposed to be full of dreams and hopes and obsessions, and very receptive and encouraging when the guy comes at them. It works out perfectly, at least as far as getting pregnant goes. Our intelligence goes out the roof, one enters the other and the best machinations of our culture can't stop accidents from happening. There are genes that survive only because of sexual accidents, and they're as much a part of our gene pool as hair color.
So it isn't a fear of being physically overpowered (being disrespected and blackmailed is another matter), it isn't something specific to girls to be outcast for violating the tabboos of sex. The problem is there even in "enlightened" communities, or groups of friends who don't have religious or political influences, who actually respect men and women for having sex and enjoying it. The problem is that there are a lot of women and men who want sex but can't find it, and I think I know what's distracting us from achieving fulfillment not just as sexual beings, but as self-actualized individuals.
Family.
Family is quite possibly the most bizarre concept to be universally recognized as a Good Thing by everyone who walks the earth. Think about it: so you came out of someone's womb at some point, is that truly an unbreakable bond that never thins or wears away? It's a situation where we can't compromise, and that rigidity can be exploited, because family comes before all else... even ourselves.
Extended families have been shrinking lately. I've always said it takes a community to raise a child, but that's gone now. People are so worshipful of this mythical concept of the parent as divine that they give all authority, and heap all responsibility on said parent(s). There are dozens of programs out there to teach parents how to fix themselves, how to do better, how to stop failing at their job of raising children, but that's such a misguided concept because it isn't right to blame the parents for everything that goes wrong, even what their kid does. But there are stigmas, there are even laws preventing anyone from intervening even when the parent is doing a bad job. Families as a result become community destroying, child abusing, unhappy situations.
Now, you might have noticed this but there is a gigantic, no a humongous difference in the ways that boys and girls are expected to perform in regard to family. To be frank boys are expected to leave, and girls are expected to stay. That produces an incredible inequality though, because as I said family is such a trap, people who escape it have a distinct advantage, an unfair freedom. 99% of all time married women have to take off from work because of something related to the family. Their child is sick, their mother is visiting, their kids are in school, their house needs to be cleaned for you guessed it... family.
When it comes to picking up guys, what is the first thing that runs through a girl's mind? What kind of a family man will he be. It's not is he caring, not is he capable, but instead it's will he be a good father for my children? And that focus on family is both neurotic and wrong, because no man can live up to it first off, and secondly because any man that does will become just as much a part of the trap as you are. They say guys don't have instincts to give his seed to a girl who will be a good mother for his children, but it's totally not true. Many guys, most even, only have children by one woman, so anyone who doesn't choose their partners with care will suffer the consequences. Don't let the nam shub into your gene pool, I guess it is.
So where does this whole obsession with family come from? Well it starts in its most obvious form: in childhood. In the early years we don't have defenses against social programming, so the messages can be more blatant, and lucky for me also make great examples. It can be summed up in one sentence I think: boys play with trucks and girls play with dolls. That's supposed to be the absolute definition of gender, right? Boys like trucks, guns and hammers, and girls like dolls, tea parties and "playing" house. Well, think for a moment back a mere century ago, in the early 1900s. Evolutionarily we were practically identical, but most people lived agriculturally still at that point. Women were not allowed to learn trades (hammers), nor were they allowed to fight in wars (guns). Today we allow women to have hammers and guns, but our girls are still in the 1900s, looked upon with respect only when they eschew the industrial and the violent, where boys are congratulated for their ability to aim that toy rifle.
Is it any wonder girls become humanities majors, get their degree and live the rest of their life working for a call center? From day 1 they're taught that their responsibility lies with the house and the dolls. So sure enough when they grow up what's on their mind? Keeping house and raising children. If you sit a 3-year old in front of a piano for the rest of their life, chances are they'll enjoy playing the piano at age 16, and not enjoy playing say, the trumpet. It's the exact same thing.
So when girls look for sex it goes against everything in their training and social indocrination. Their "devotion" to their family is an unhealthy obsession that hinders them from finding friends to be with, and to be intimate with. Family doesn't break when you drop it; it's pretty robust actually. Yet we treat it like the most important fragile piece of kitsch that balances precariously on our kitchen counter. If you want to get a measure of the proportion of girls whose minds are controlled literally, manipulated against their own will into living for houses and dolls, it's approximately the same proportion of boys who have a "talent" for cars, automotive repair, and other mechanical disciplines. In other words it's nothing to be discounted.
So my advice to girls who are having guy trouble or a hard time finding a partner that meets your expectations, a hard time finding someone well seated enough to make you secure, remember that too much security is another word for imprisonment, get off your high horse and buck up some self confidence. You can be comfortable around your friends, not because they can sandwich you into your future as a mother, but because they can leave if it gets bad, and so can you! And that's not something to fear, or to look down upon, but a flexibility that can be a great strength. Your future might not include a suburban house, nor even a child, and even if there is a house and a child, the child doesn't have to be watched by you all the time, and the house isn't necessarily better when you clean it as you did with dollhouses in years past. Clutter is good, dust is bad, spiders are good, mold is bad, wood polish is poison, the dirtiest thing in the house is the kitchen sink not the toilet, and it's a really complicated thing. But what's for sure is that people put a lot of wasted effort into it when they should be taking things easy, and spending more time making a living perhaps. It's okay to invite a guy over even if your hair isn't done and there's some clutter around, and it might even look more attractive. And it's okay to be romantically involved with a man who doesn't have a home of his own, a steady job, or any of the typical dateable factors. What matters is whether he and you get along, like each other, and are both comfortable with getting in bed together. Helps if he's hot too, but watch out for hot jerks; a homely looking chubby friend is probably a better lover than a chiseled acquaintance. That advice goes for guys too!
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