Someone once told me that the secret to true success was to make one person happy every day. It seems strange though. I find it more fulfilling though to make something useful or to be respected by others, as opposed to something as transient and ephemeral as making one single person happy. Perhaps the key to happiness is not happiness itself, but something more substantial.
It's easy to make people happy. You wave to them in recognition and a smile dawns on their face. You listen to their troubles and they thank you for being such a friend. You give your little daughter a toy and her face lights up with joy as she explores this new thing. At the same time it isn't easy to make people happy. Who knows what goes on in our heads? You can offer to help and old lady cross the street and get beset upon by a cane and a mouth full of curses. You can listen to your friend's troubles, and only end up with them declaring you don't understand, or aren't even listening and storming off.
Happiness is a tricky state of mind, the pleasant feeling comes and goes all too quickly, and sometimes at arbitrary moments. Obviously if you've been having a bad day then a token effort to make you happy isn't going to work. And then there is blue string. Sometimes you just can't break a bad mood, and sometimes the clouds form, the rain falls and everything fades away into a peaceful bliss.
Making stuff is fun, and most certainly concrete. When I write a program, it stays in the folder and doesn't flicker in and out like happiness. When I write a story it goes up on the website and many people can benefit from it, as hackneyed and brainy as my writing is. ^.- What you make doesn't have to be a craft or a meal (frankly meals never last long enough, the best ones go away quicker!), or a sculpture or a song. Making things is something almost immune from the toil of maintenance. Many things we make last by themselves, and can be remade when they are broken or lost. Things like dishes, vacuuming, gardening, all promise exactly zip. They'll keep haunting you and never quite get finished. (At least the way my mom gardens, I tell her to plant hardy stuff and ignore it, but does she listen to me? -.-)
Being respected is also nice, and extremely valuable. When you have the respect of someone they will help you when you need it, and allow you to help them when they need it. It's amazing: if someone doesn't respect you then they will almost certainly have trouble accepting assistance even if you can give it. What's more, earning people's respect means recommendations, opportunities, invitations. When people like your presence, they will let you hang around them. (Great clique buster that, just make yourself so enjoyable to be around people don't want to ostracise you!)
There are other nice things out there: getting exercise, the act of helping itself, warm fireplaces, quiet strolls through the forest, reading. But none among these involves making people happy. I will grant that many rewarding activities result in making someone happy, but that's hard to pin down, not something anyone should rely on. Many rewarding activities make us very unhappy, yet are extremely important to pursue: why else would we listen to the news? ^.^
Sometimes we have to suck in our gut and take things we don't want to swallow, bitter medicines thankfully sweetened by the fact that we know it's going to help us in the end. Does studying for the test make me happy? No. But does taking the test having carefully gathered the knowledge beforehand in my head feel immensely satisfying? Yes! Does that make me happy? Not really. Tests are tests, and the happiness might come when the good grade comes in, or it might not. Regardless, the good grade is very valuable, and even more so the knowledge gathered to earn that grade.
Those things have weight, pleasant consequences, rewards. They help get enough food to eat, and adequate shelter as well as leaving plenty of time to spare for making the world a better place in general. Those are the things that I like, not the friend who will chatter with me when I should be studying, not the parents who shower their kids with unconditional affection, but the friend who will tell me, 'No. Let's work on the test instead.' or the parent who takes me out to the parking lot to learn how to ride that crazy bicycle. They say you know your true friends by the people who will tell you you've got spinach stuck in your teeth, and I agree. Making someone else happy is not a good reason to live one's life, and making yourself happy is just harmless hedonism. It's the other things in life, the respect of others and the contributions you make, that truly make life worth living.
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