Banality is really getting to me today... just that there is nowhere to go, no solace or sanctuary from this persistent... nothingness. I feel like a refugee from Fantasia lost and slowly starving in a world without imagination. Where are all the big thinkers? Why can't I go to school? Is school even the answer? Where is the magic...
Sigh... trying to ask for support on IIDB but I don't know what to ask them. All I know is I'm not working properly, too apathetic to get out, addicted to the computer, depressed really bad, and too disoriented all the time to really accomplish anything in school. Never mind my fear of committment. I have to abort my attempts to find support again and return to isolation though. The computer is my only medium of social contact anymore. There are no community activities. I'm not a "kid" anymore so I don't qualify for local sports, schools, or even the teen center out of town. I'm not religious, and now my mom just yelled at me for not cleaning up cat poop for a few days just 'cuz I never got around to it. And now she's cleaning it up herself, and sighing, and I don't get to redeem my error at all. Gods I need to get fixed... what is wrong with me though? I mean, it takes 10 minutes to clean up cat poop, and I don't mind cleaning up cat poop, so why has it sat there, with the rest of my life, for 3 or 4 days?
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