|Tale of a Tail
by Michael Bard
© Michael Bard -- all rights reserved
It all started on a dare.
A friend had dragged me to Xanadu. Well, he hadn't really dragged me, I was interested in the art. Anyway, he was a real horse freak, even had this high end horse 'fursuit' he called it, stilts for hooves, everything. I didn't want to know how many thousands of dollars he's spent on it. Of course he wasn't wearing it when it happened. Instead, I'd somehow let him con me into trying on his tail.
"Just for a second" he said. "Just to see if you like it" he continued. I'd just slipped the stupid thing through my belt when it happened.
It felt weird at first, like something was shoving its way into my spine. And it hurt like the dickens. "What the hell are you doing Michael?! You didn't tell me there was a needle attached to that thing or anything!"
I felt pins and needles all down my back, and then my spine, well not my spine, but my kinesthetic awareness, stretched, outward and backward. I felt bone and skin I'd never felt before, and long silky hairs growing out of it and falling nearly to the floor behind me. Cocking my head, I pulled muscles I'd never had before, and looked at the long black hairy thing sticking out of my spine. Then I relaxed and watched it wag back and forth.
Michael was just starring at me, his eyes glued to his tail, well, my tail, as it slowly wagged back and forth, its hairs brushing against my calves as it moved back and forth and back and forth--
With awe Michael touched it, and I yanked it away from him with my new muscles. "It's real!" he screamed. He went on and on and on like that.
Everybody knows what happened, and eventually I accepted it. Didn't have a heck of a lot of choice. They let us go as my tail was our only change. Michael was pissed. So close, and he'd missed his chance. Of course, I wasn't impressed with him either, and we stopped seeing each other.
If only that had ended it--
You know, some people who were at Xanadu go on and on about how they got what they wanted. That they found their true selves. Well, I never wanted a tail! Ever!
Do you have any idea how much trouble this stupid thing causes? Two years later and I still get it caught in doors. Do you have any idea how much that hurts!. And don't even ask me about the time I got it stuck in the revolving door--
And then there's clothing. Some people got a clothing curse. Of course I didn't. So, every pair of pants I buy requires customization, and that costs at least ten bucks a pair. Hell, my company deducts fifteen bucks from each of my paycheques to pay for special chairs with tail slots, and to pay the extra janitorial costs.
Yea, it sheds on everything. I've got to vacuum the furniture every day. Not to mention the carpets, the corners of walls, the stair railing. I have to change bed sheets every night! Yea, I know horse tails don't shed like that but I think the tail Michael had was really badly made or something, because this one sure does! And then there's cleaning the damn thing! I used to keep my hair short, in and out of the shower in two minutes. Now it takes me five bloody minutes just to get shampoo in the thing! And then there's drying it and brushing it--
I used to have a cat you know. I finally had to get rid of little Forepawz. Cat? Four paws? Get it? Anyway, he couldn't resist playing with my tail, and that meant jumping on it. Grabbing at it with all four paws. All four clawed paws. That hurt God damnit! I couldn't take it anymore!
I tried to get it chopped off first. Worked for about an hour, then it started growing out. Bastard itched like mad! Almost lost my mind trying to scratch it. And, of course, my insurance didn't cover the five thousand dollar voluntary plastic surgery.
Oh God, look at the time! I have to admit that there is one thing that almost makes it worth while. Girls love it. They love braiding it, and brushing it. Oh God, the brushing--
Anyway, I have to go, need to meet my new girlfriend. She's gotten a new brush and wants to try it out. Let me know when you get that special shampoo in will you? Thanks! Bye!
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