Today I found the train station. It's not far away; on my new bicycle I can get there in around 20 minutes. For $4 on the train I can go across the hills, and catch the bus from there to go where the jobs are nearer to the coast. For more money I can go all the way to a distant city where many of my friends hail. I've never been there though, for a few reasons. I needed an excuse why I can't possibly afford to inconvenience my father's side of the family by coming and visiting. (I don't enjoy visiting him.). Also I never did have a reason to cross the hills, since I never had a hint of a job from that area. It's rather hard to apply somewhere without actually being there to go into the businesses and apply. Kind of a Catch-22 there, not to mention that unemployed, I can't afford to spend $4 just to go to another city and wander around looking for work.
But I went today. The train does not run on weekends, but I went anyway, because this is the first overcast day since March, an ideal and rare moment of nice weather that I used to be confident about the arduous trip to a train station I wasn't even sure I could find. I found it though, thanks to the directions of someone I met on my way there. I practiced locking my bicycle up on their new-age sooper secure bike racks, and walked the length of the station, scoping it out. Now if I ever do have to go across the hills, I will be able to do so on perhaps 2 days notice (1 day to get the fare from the bank, 1 day to take the morning train.)
It's sad that there are only 3 trains a day, all in the early morning, and no trains on weekends. Definitely not the Tokyo train system. But it's at least possible. Not that I have any reason to use the train, but hopefully I will soon... I miss school and want to start getting money to go to it, as well as money to figure out what's wrong with my head that school and life in general isn't working quite right.
And... now it's 3:20am again. Don't know why I'm doing this crap to myself; I want to hurt myself, I don't know why, and I can't stop wanting to hurt myself.
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