There's nothing... nothing out there. I'm empty inside. Gods I hate this feeling... I just am no good at anything worthwhile. All my attempts fail, or are bested by other people, making my need to attempt them worthless. They say the woods would be silent if no birds sang except for the best, but I'm a crow in a forest of songbirds wherever I go it seems. Can't find other corvids either, as if I'm missing that one crucial element, that piece of common sense that enables other people to survive and thrive, and leaves me working myself into despair.
I want to do things, to learn, to live, to work hard. But I can't find a career or job that I fit in. I just can't compete; anything I see ends up turning me off by its corporate immorality. I want to help people, and get rewarded for it gosh darnit! Instead I am forced to hurt people, and take their stuff. It's like any job I'm at, I am under pressure to make a buck, to get ahead, and be selfish and unaware of my impact on others. Customers may want quality, but management wants quantity and lots of it, and guess who pays my salary?
Just the word business gives me chills. I don't want to be paid less than my share, but I know that higher level management is ripping me off with their own higher salaries. I want to contribute my share, but when I get that kind of disrespect, I don't want to help them any more than I have to. Who do I turn to? Who can I put my effort towards? Are there any universities? Any charities? Non-contagious-religion churches? Anyone who will feed me and clothe me, and give me shelter from the elements, and will accept my whole hearted devotion in return? I like working, but I don't have anything to work /for/. I'm trapped in a place without any support, or anyone to support, and all I can do is get some stupid part time minimum wage job, and sit there wishing I knew how to get what I desperately need.
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