I was glad that that little guy had transformed Edwina back into Edwina. Penisauruses (or is that Penisauri) never really did anything for me. Now the monster ... but that's another story.

It was hard to believe when I watched her stand up for that little twerp, when someone had, rather menacingly I thought, told him to get out to get out of the bar. Then, she actually served him. I'm not sure I could have done that. I would have probably tried to break him in half. I guess I have a lot to learn about being a waitress.

I saw Edwina standing around in the back. I wanted to tell her I was glad she was back to normal, so I walked over to her.

"Is it safe to touch you?" I asked, remembering how she had changed into me when she'd bumped into me before.

"For the moment." she said as she stared off into space.

"I'm glad you're back to normal Edwina."

But as I say those words, I find myself drawn inexplicably towards her. I don't know why, but I want to rub my body against her. I hear myself tell her "You're beautiful," as my hand begins to unbutton her blouse. She must think me a wanton slut.

But she pushes me away.

I don't hear all she says, but the phrase "I'm involved with someone" stands out clearly in my mind. For some reason, it bothers me.

And then I say to her "I thought you were a lesbian." I can't believe my ears. I hardly even know Edwina, why would I think something like that. What's happening to me?

And then Edwina drops a bombshell.

"I'm a man, Lanara."

A man??? I'm puzzled.

I miss a lot of what she's saying to me, until I hear "I already love another woman."

"Oh," I say as I hold back the tears. "I'm sorry."

But sorry for what? That she's a man? That she loves another woman? Or am I sorry for myself? I'm so confused.

I pay no attention to the rest of what Edwina is telling me.

And then the little guy who transformed her earlier gets up to leave. Edwina's still trying to be friendly, but I don't think its working.

She looks back at me, but right now I don't want to talk to her. I'm so confused about so many things. I turn away from her and run into the kitchen.

Once the door closes behind me, I start to cry.

But then I'm startled to hear a feminine voice from behind me.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think so." I say without turning to see who's there.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know. I'm so confused about things right now. And Edwina's really a guy?"

"Yeah, he, or rather she, is. I did his story once. I'd like to do yours, if you'll let me."

As I turn around, I see the girl reporter standing there. "Your name's Lisa, isn't it. I've seen you around the bar, talking to people, writing notes."

"That's me. There's a story here. I know it. It's my reporter's instinct, I can just feel it."

"There's no story. Really. Unless you want to talk about Edwina's being a man. I still find that pretty unbelievable."

"It's true alright. Eddie, that's her male name, got caught in the alley with some horny poly-morph. Made him a her, his wet dream I suppose, right then and there. And its apparently permanent."

"That's amazing. I didn't know that there were people who could do that. But if she's a guy, then any girl could really be one too."

"Were you?"

"What!!"

"Were you a guy?"

"Are you kidding?" And as I strike a pose in front of her, exaggerating all my already abundant feminine attributes for her, I add "Does this bod look like a guy to you?"

"No. Not really. But then, neither does Eddie's. Does it? And anyway, I was thinking more along the lines of before you were transformed by the flu. Were you male before you became a SCAB."

"I hate to disappoint you, but no, I wasn't male. I was a girl. An ugly little girl, who the boys at school made fun of.

"And my daddy wasn't much help either. He called me his "puppy" and it wasn't from any affection for towards me. He used to tell everyone who'd listen that I wasn't really his child. That my mother was a bitch, who, being true to the name, must have laid with some big ugly mutt.

"I hated him. I'm sure he had something to do with my mother's death, but I could never prove anything. I wished him dead, and he died.

"Then the authorities took me to the home. There the boys teased me mercilessly. I always told them that one day I'd be beautiful, that they'd beg to be with me. And they always laughed at me. I hated them."

As I looked up, Lisa continued to scribble notes. I was lost in recollections that I must have been trying to hide from myself. I knew what I told her had happened to me, but it seemed so distant, as if it had really happened to someone else.

And I continued telling her my story.

"Then came the Martian Flu, and with it the transformation into who, or maybe that should be what, I am today. I know I'm beautiful. The boys at the home kept telling me that, just like I'd told them they would. They all wanted me, I could tell. I could have taken my pick.

"Except the flu had also built on my hate ... for my father ... for the boys at home ...

"I found I didn't like boys ... or men ... Only girls. And the more like me, the better. Edwina was perfect."

And Lisa stopped taking notes to wipe a tear from my eye.

And I realized then, why I'd been so confused and hurt and angry with Edwina.

"Maybe that's why I felt so hurt, when Edwina told me she wasn't interested. I was being rejected again."

"Could be." said Lisa. "You've certainly led a very hard and different life than most of the people in the bar. Any time you want to talk, just come over and find me."

"Thank you. I will." I tell her, feeling much better now.

Its only when I look down at my watch, that I realize I have to leave. I'm not sure where I have to go, but I know I've got to get there.

"Maybe we can get together again, sometime later this week." I tell Lisa. "I have an appointment to keep. I have to leave."

"Okay." she responds.

But there's something in the way she says it.

Boy I am getting paranoid, or what?

As I reach the door, I look back towards Lisa. She smiles at me and waves, and I return both. Then I open the door, step out onto the sidewalk, and start walking towards home.

But there's a car in the street.

And as I approach it, its door swings open.

"You're late, Lanara. Get in, and close the door."

I don't want to, but I'm somehow compelled to get into the car. I sit, and I close the door. Why am I doing this?

In the car are the doctor I'd seen earlier this evening and the little guy that had turned Edwina into a Penisaurus.

"What's he do..."

"Ah, I see you've met my new business partner. We've just concluded a deal involving that little box of his."

"Do you kno..."

"Its time for you to take a nap, Lanara."

Website Copyright 2004,2005 Michael Bard.  Please send any comments or questions to him at mwbard@transform.com