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He Only Gets out at Night
by Bob Stein
Bob Stein -- all rights reserved

As he sat at the bar nursing his third Coke, Tony saw another apparent 'Normal' come into the bar. The jokes and levity which had followed his entrance were sorely missing this time. If anything, the patrons grew a bit hushed.

That was easy to understand. The poor fellow had a plaster cast on one leg, bandages on his chest and left arm, and a black eye that was swollen shut. One of the Lupines picked up a familiar piece of paper off the table and approached him. The two conversed quietly for a moment as the battered human looked over Tony's flyer. Then the man fixed his one good eye on Tony and struggled over purposefully.

"You gotta help me! My wife is a horse-morph on perpetual PMS, and I'm going crazy! If she doesn't kill me first!"

Tony frowned. "Perpetual PMS? Sorry, you're wrong on that one. Mares' estrous cycles are numerous, about 21 days apart beginning when the number of daylight hours hits a certain point (or when kept in a lighted stall at night."

The man gave him a blank look. "Lighted stall? She lies in a dark bedroom 24 hours a day, and watches soaps! That is, when she isn't throwing the furniture at me, or screaming for more food! Please, ya gotta help me!! I'll pay anything!"

Tony shrugged and handed him one of the his cards. "The number is on the flyer, but this is more convenient. Call me for an appointment, and we'll see if we can find suitable quarters for your, er, wife. And don't worry. I'm Tony Cheval, the Equine Professional."

As the battered man began to sob in relief, another figure further down the bar smiled to himself. The 'professional' just might get a lesson in equine breeding cycles when he brought Peggy in to his facility. Dr. John hoped the place had good insurance.

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